Sunday, December 18, 2011
Here we are, Day 7 of Quinn McDonald's 30-day deep journal writing/walking meditation, and I feel like I'm at that crossroad. The one decision I've made for sure is to complete this 30-day creativity practice. It feels good to have made that decision. It's a start. And it was the most comfortable for me. But then there are the myriad other decisions to make, and I'm lost in the road map. I'm not sure if I should go left or right, head north or south. Stay where I am? The lines are blurry. The creases are too deep to tell which is which or what is what. And I'm feeling like I'm headed for a tunnel with no where else to turn.
Wach out. I'm going in!
If that sounds scary, rest assured, it is.
On my walk this morning, which was brisk and somewhat short at less than three miles, I did not come to any conclusions. In fact, my indecisiveness was only made more clear.
_I have an office to clean up but am unsure where to begin. So I stall.
_My internet connection keeps disconnecting, and I'm wondering if I need to change providers. But I'll call the current provider tomorrow and get the quick fix, leaving the real decision for another date and time. Odds are, I'll be back here (at Starbucks again) before the year ends.
_I am unclear as to which groups I need to renew memberships with and which I don't. But I definitely know I need to cut back.
I just don't know. And these are the easy challenges.
It's as if I'm operating on a high-speed chase of feelings after facts. Or is it the other way around? Regardless, it's confusing and loud in my head.
Remember last week's post about vulnerability. Well, here's some of mine. It's ugly. It's raw. But it's the truth, and this short list is only part of it--a small part of it. There is much more to decide.
I have called myself an expert at overcoming life's obstacles, and I still think that, but right now, I'm befuddled. I'm stuck. So my crossroad is really more like a roadblock. And what I know about roadblocks is that they take more than one person to repair. So that's why I'm posting this today. I need your help.
When you've reached this kind of turning point, how did you respond? What did you do that pushed you past your own indecisiveness. I know I don't have all the answers, and sometimes I don't have any of them. So your tips and advice will be greatly appreciated, and hopefully used. If so, I'll report back in a future post. Thank you!