This blog introduces you to my special brand of BIKE. I show you how to find your Best self, access your Inner strength, tune in to your Killer instincts, and use your Expressive voice. It's inspiring, spiritual, quirky, and it's all in your head. It's about ATTITUDE, not exercise, though that might be a side benefit.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

My greatest fear

My answer to the three questions:

1) My greatest fear is to be abandoned.

2) I developed this fear as a child. My mother used to threaten she'd leave us kids when she got angry about something. I was in elementary school, probably fourth or fifth grade. But I remember she'd get so angry and pack her bags and literally leave the house, drive away, and not come back for hours. I never knew if she'd come back. I didn't know what her behavior meant to me then, but it later materialized into my greatest fear. It didn't help any that my father died when I was only three. So I was well aware that parents did go away and never come back.

3) What that did to me as an adult, and how it still affects me today--though I'm aware of it now--is teach me that people will leave you if they get upset with you. I never wanted people to be angry with me. I became a people-pleaser. If only you didn't get mad at me, you wouldn't leave me. The problem is, people do get upset, they do leave, or they do die, and there's not much you can do about it. I've learned to be okay with this fear. I still have it. I still don't want to be abandoned, and there are times when I can still find myself building those walls to protect myself from this kind of pain.

But, for the most part, I have reached a level of acceptance about what could happen. More importantly, I've learned that I won't abandon me. I know I have my higher power which won't abandon me. For that, I am grateful.

Have you come to terms with your fear? Post your comments.

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