What life lessons have you learned?

Here's one of mine:

Obstacles aren't meant to stop you; they're meant to strengthen you.

Discuss.

Coffee Break: Okay, I get it!

Grrrr!

Ever start your day out like that?

I almost did this morning. Two emails popped up on my screen that came from a name I know is going to mean more busy work I have to do that I don't have time to do -- or, rather, don't want to make time to do. Why? It's a hassle. Plain and simple. I took on a job that has added a regular routine of paperwork that is beyond annoying. So when I see that familiar name attached to that paperwork, my heart sinks, my blood starts to boil, and then...bam! My good morning mood suddenly turns sour.

Hate that.

This morning, however, after I ran into the usual annoyances that generally go along with this never ending mass of paperwork, I stopped to think about my aggravation. "Why?" I asked myself, "do I have to let this get to me?" Key word: let. Yes, I am letting it get to me. It doesn't have to get to me, but I'm letting it. Why? 

That led to my next step. I walked into the kitchen to get away from the office for a second, and at the coffee machine, I stopped to do a few yoga breaths. I've never really stopped and used yoga so mindfully before. I've been taking yoga classes for a year now, but I've never really gotten to the point where it was such a natural way to respond. But you know what? It worked. There I was, standing in front of the coffee machine, breathing in and out, ready to pour my next cup, and...almost just like that, my thoughts shifted.

I hurried back to the office, went on Facebook and posted this update:

If my day is going to begin with a frustrating event, okay, fine. But I'm taking that as a good sign -- to get the crap out of the way! Thank you, Universe, for making room for the better stuff ahead. Appreciate that.

When I saw a few people had "liked" what I'd written almost the second that posted, my breathing started to slow down on its own. I looked at the fax machine I'd been messing with to send yet another document to this company, and I was able to relax, breathe again, and accept the task as just something I have to do and nothing more. 

And then it was done. Just like that. I was able to move on to the next thing on my list. Life just got better. In an instant.

What a relief to know you can go ahead and feel aggravation or hurt or maybe a little anger, and then move on from it. What a relief to know that you don't have to stay there, that you can choose to move on, what a relief that you can take charge of your thoughts and emotions like that. Empowering, yes?

Five reasons why I like Happy Yoga

I've been spending my mornings at Starbucks reading lately. And lately it's been all about yoga. My BF and I have joined a yoga studio in Phoenix this month, and I borrowed a book called Happy Yoga from the BF's sister to learn more about the philosophy--or at least this guy's version of it.

I must say, I'm glued to what I'm learning. I don't want to put the book down. Except, the information is so intense. In order to absorb the key points, I have to read this book in spurts, one chapter at a time. There are seven of them. So I'm taking notes on notecards, jotting down the quotes that stand out, the lessons I need to remind myself, the words that project some meaning for me that I don't want to forget. I'm going to get a copy of this book for myself, I'm sure. For now, I am glued to this borrowed one.

I keep suggesting to my BF that he read the book as well, and now he wants to do just that. I'm also planning to get copies for both my son and my daughter. Hopefully, their respective spouses will read the book, too.

I think it's that good. Here are ten reasons why:

_The quotes the author has collected.
From the words of Buddha ("There is no way to happiness--happiness is the way.") to thoughts like this one--If you cannot find the truth right where you are, where else do you expect to find it?--I cannot help but consider how these words can positively impact my life in this very moment. The quotes alone make me question who I am and what I'm doing here. It's perfect timing, considering my branding experience, which is moving along nicely now.

_The inspiration offered.
I am inspired by the author's own journey with yoga (from rock band to yogi man), how he came upon his passion (spent five years in India to study the practice), and what he wants to share with the world (that yoga is not as serious as you might think). Any time I can find another author or expert with a spiritual journey that has helped transform his life, I want to know how that happened. I want to know more, as I am naturally inspired by mankind's ability to live with purpose. Steve Ross seems to have that down, and his book is helping me in my own search for whatever it is I must know. Plus, his work clarifies my own thoughts about living in joy. This is a guy who sees yoga as a means to happiness. I'd never thought of it that way, but I like it. As someone who is new to the practice but also believes in this natural state of happiness, his book leads me to believe I am on the right track. And that's a good feeling.

_The lessons learned.
His book covers thoughts about death, about society's push for the perfect body and how unenlightened such a goal really is, and so much more. Essentially, this is a book that shows you how to put your mind at ease and not worry so much. What a great lesson right off the bat! For someone who has experienced a lot of fear in life, this author is teaching me how to let all of that go. That chapter alone makes this a book worth having.

_The exercises suggested.
Not only does he provide great stories that offer great lessons, he also delivers exercises or tips that will help you experience the same. Don't know how to just sit still and relax? He offers suggestions on how you can do that successfully, without having to be perfect at it the first time around. I love do-overs!

_The poses illustrated.
At the end of each chapter, the author provides pictures and instructions on how to do specific poses that will help your body achieve specific things, such as a lean body, a calm mind, or a more loving heart. If all you wanted from the book were poses to achieve a specific goal addressed in the book, you'd have it at your fingertips with this one. I like that.

"Happiness arises from acceptance of yourself, others, the world, and this moment," just as it is, Ross writes. You have a choice, he's saying--another reminder about where the responsibility for the self really lives. Inside of me. Inside of you. Inside of the individual.

Agree or disagree? Let's discuss.   

Thought for the day from a spiritually-inclined blogger

I just read the lines below (paraphrased) on a blog I was introduced to via LinkedIn. The blogger, Christopher Luke, wrote something I think is worth considering as you go about your day...

"Life is not about survival, nor is it about the acquisition of great wealth, nor is it about living a virtuous life necessarily. Life is about making mistakes, pushing boundaries and learning from what you find when you turn over yet another stone." 

1) Take the lessons from the mistake.
2) Leave the experience behind you.
3) Then move onwards to the next event or challenge.

Which of the three points he makes do you find the most difficult and why?  

(If you'd like more detail about the writer's comments, click on the link above.)

A message worth writing on a Post-it Note

Because I deal with personal details, my story is not always easy to think about, talk about or write about. But it is my story, and I have chosen to reveal it in such a way that I think is helpful to my audience--mostly, women in transition--and I do know it matters.

It makes a difference to the women out there who have experienced something similar (the loss of a loved one, the death of a spouse, the betrayal of a husband, divorce, other losses, and other traumatic events). For those of you who have felt alone in your pain, I know it matters to know you are not alone. I think it's worth noting: just because we discuss the pain doesn't mean we relive it. It means we are working to understand it and to discern what it means in our lives today. I do find value in looking at the past for answers in the present.

My story is not limited to my own experience. Every time I have ever shared it to women's groups and professional organizations, for spousal programs at conferences, or at the homeless shelter where I sometimes get to teach my BIKE Lessons, women come up to me afterward with their own version. I've heard from mothers, sisters, wives. Even men who've heard my story have told me I need to find a way to share my story with other men, that they need to hear it as well.

It is not an accident that a life-changing moment in my life helped to create the self-empowering messages I share here at BIKE WITH JACKIE. I'm a big believer in the idea that there are no accidents, that things happen for a reason. I also believe the journey to self-growth is ever evolving and on-going. The last thing you want to do in recovery is wake up one day and say, "Okay, I'm done." You're not. We're not. There are too many life lessons to be reminded of and continue to learn.

The woman who led the group I traveled with to Kenya several years ago (to visit a refugee camp and the slums in Nairobi on a mission to explore women's issues in a third-world country) posted this quote on Facebook this morning, reminding me of a lesson I need to hear. It was no accident; it was my reminder:

If you judge people, you don't have time to love them.
~Mother Teresa

This simple message from a woman we think of as a saint, is a hard lesson to remember, too easily forgotten. But that's why it's worth repeating. There are times when I need to hear this over and over and over again...Like this week. It isn't always easy to think you can love the person who hurt you, for example. But you can. Maybe not today. But tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow.

If you've experienced resistance or a relapse in your personal growth before, what did you do about it? Did you look for positive reminders like the quote above? I found the message within Mother Teresa's words to be important enough for me to write on a Post-it Note. How about you?

Judgement: a lesson for today

Here's some of that Killer instinct nagging at me, reminding me, telling me what I need to know.

When we don’t judge our moments, our creations, ourselves--or others--as good or bad, we can begin to find serenity.

~Diane Detwiler-Zapp, MA, LCP

Think I needed this today. How about you?

Close calls

I almost got hit by a moving van on my ride this morning. It was a close call. I've experienced several since I started to ride regularly seven years ago.

Once, a guy nearly sideswiped me as he turned a corner. He hadn't bothered to look my way. He'd just started to pull out onto my road. I was headed straight, so it was my right-of-way. Plus, I was in the bike lane, exactly where I was supposed to be. If I hadn't been paying attention...

And yesterday, it was a similar set of circumstances. I was riding on the main road in my neighborhood when a van behind me passed me to pull into a side street on our right. But then, as soon as he turned, he immediately started backing out without warning, without stopping to see what might be coming up behind him. With a car coming up from behind me, I knew I had no place to go without getting hit by either the car or the van, and I had no time to stop. If I hadn't been paying attention, if the car behind me hadn't been just far enough behind me to swerve in front of, and if he hadn't been paying enough attention to see what was ahead of him...I would have been hit. Goodness knows why the driver in the van started backing up without waiting for me to pass. He'd just seen me and knew I was there, for goodness sakes. But that kind of thing happens. A lot.

It's really up to me to be aware of what's in front of me, off to the sides, and behind. I need to know what's going on all around me, so I can be prepared to act in a moment's notice. Truthfully, I really doubt the plastic helmet on my head is going to save my life should I get hit by a moving vehicle while I'm riding my bike. It's not a body shield made of armour. But I wear it for the same reason I pay attention--to do what I can to save myself from harm while on the road.

My sister (pictured, left, above with me on the right) just experienced a close call of her own yesterday morning. She was driving to work in a town that is forested, and as she was getting ready to drive onto a freeway, a deer jumped at her car and wound up going straight through her windshield, landing in her lap. When she told me what happened, that blood was everywhere, I wondered how she could know she wasn't injured. But she knew. She knew it was the deer who had caused all that bloodshed. And it was the deer who lost its life. She was saved. Somehow, the deer didn't do her any harm. He didn't even try to get up, she said.

Her car was totaled in this accident. And when the police arrived, they had to shoot the deer to put the poor animal out of its misery.

In my sister's case, the deer arrived so suddenly, it wouldn't have mattered how well she was paying attention. This kind of close call is not so much about being aware, it's about being lucky.

Or is it?

Some people might say it wasn't her time to go, or, she was in the wrong place at the right time, or some other cliche to explain why she's still alive after an accident that one would think would have, at the very least, left her seriously injured. She did receive a cut on her finger, she said, from a piece of glass. But that's it. She was virtually unharmed, though very shaken, by the whole ordeal.

Maybe she is lucky, or maybe it wasn't her time to go. But she's feeling very happy to be alive today.

What kind of close call have you experienced in your life? Has it made you stop and think, or reexamine your life up to that moment?

If you were to reflect on your close calls, your turning points, your reawakenings, what lessons would you say you've taken away from them? And if you have received lessons, how do you continue to use those lessons in your life today?

Journaling your thoughts down on paper might bring additional enlightenment. If you meditate on your responses, you might also learn something new about yourself.

Today, let the close calls in your life become life-long lessons.

All my best,

Jackie

Ted Turner wisdom

I wouldn't say I'm a fan of Ted Turner, but I dated a guy in college who admired him greatly. That admiration had a lot to do with the fact that they both had ties to Atlanta. I wound up marrying this college sweetheart of mine (He later died.), and I've always noticed anything said or written about Ted Turner since. It's not anything I purposefully look for, but when he appears on TV or on a magazine cover, I can't help but notice. Perhaps it's simply because the guy reminds me of my late husband; they share the same hairline and color , color of eyes, and that dimple on the chin...

This morning, Ted Turner appeared on NBC's "Meet the Press"--I WAS a big fan of Tim Russert's!--and I watched. Discussing with Tom Brokaw a former rift with Rupert Murdock, Turner said about their reconciliation: "It hurts you when you don't like someone; it doesn't really hurt them."

It hurts you when you don't like someone; it doesn't really hurt them.

That's a line worth repeating. It made me stop and think. There are people in my life who I haven't really liked, and I've experienced my fair share of rifts. Turner's insightful words made me immediately think, Who cares? Who really cares? They don't.

So what's the point? He's basically saying, "Let it go."

Let it go.

Three more words worth repeating, again and again.

Can you think of a rift in your life that needs to be discarded? If you're being your Best self, you'll find a way to admit there probably is such a rift, and you'll figure out how you can let it go. Not for them, but for you. It means you recognize where you can make improvements in your life, and that you will take the steps to do that. It may take time--and the letting go part doesn't have to involve that other person directly--but you know you have the power of choice. You'll rely on your Inner strength to remove the shame or doubt that surfaces. You'll trust your Killer instincts to take the necessary action. And you'll use your Expressive voice to say what might need to be said or to simply reach out in whatever way will move you forward.

Here at BIKE WITH JACKIE, it's always about forward movement. That's our goal with this mental bike ride. Whatever's holding you back, whether or not it's a rift, together we look for ways to get beyond the struggles, which can come at us so unexpectedly. We know we're not in this alone. Thankfully, if we're open to improvement, we'll gain the insights or epiphanies needed--even if they come from a TV personality.