A Sunday challenge

Yesterday, I walked for a mile backwards along the Arizona canal. The key is I walked BACKWARDS. Not the normal way to move forward, is it?

The reason I chose to walk backward? To change things up. On my walk that morning, I wanted to sort out a few thoughts I had going on inside my head about an upcoming presentation. Once I'd warmed up on the first two miles, I realized I could change things up and maybe that would take my thoughts in a more creative direction. So I turned around and walked backwards for the next mile.

What happened?

_I saw things from a different perspective.
_I became more aware of my surroundings, as I had to keep looking from side to side so I wouldn't walk into anyone coming my way, get hit by one of the cyclists, or walk smack dab into the canal itself.
_I worked on a different set of leg muscles.
_And, yes, I did work out a few kinks in the presentation, ironed out the last detail, and came home to write it all down before I forgot what I wanted to include in the message.

From time to time, it's a good idea to change things up, to do things differently than you normally would and go outside that box. It's like working a different muscle. You'll work a part of your body not generally used, you'll feel differently, think differently, and may wind up with a better result. It's good exercise all the way around to change things up, to surprise yourself with what you can accomplish under different settings, and to challenge yourself to consider an alternative to the norm.

This works especially well when you feel boxed in to an idea or format. If you catch yourself feeling that way, it might be time to force yourself to approach a problem differently. Find someone you know who will expand your own point of view and discuss the problem with them. Open your mind to the possibility that the answer to your challenge is the opposite of what you thought it might be. Maybe it's actually somewhere in the middle. But to get there, you'll have to stretch the boundary a bit. You might have to "exercise" a little courage and risk judgment from others. You might also be very pleased with the result.

Today's challenge for you: Pick one thing you undertake today and do it differently. If it's the dishes, and you're used to stacking the dirty ones in the dishwasher, try washing them by hand today. If you generally use lists to run your errands, skip the lists and see what happens. Will you remember everything? Will you do more than the list might limit you to do? Will you do less because you forgot something? Will the list become obsolete because your idea of what needed to be done changed altogether? At the end of the day, evaluate the change you took. My guess is you'll be surprised by the result. Tell us what happened by posting a comment below.

Recovery: Affirming yourself

Yesterday, we discussed coping skills. One I left out on purpose, because it deserves its own page, is the act of affirming yourself.

Repeating affirmations to yourself can be a positive aspect of living a life in Recovery. You use them to remind yourself that you're just like Al Franken's "Saturday Night Live" character Stuart Smalley. You're good enough, you're smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like you. Only, in this case, you like you.

If you need to know why, affirmations will tell you. They can be written or spoken, but they must be words with a positive perspective, since they are the words you keep telling yourself. You are affirming beliefs about yourself when you utilize them, and they won't do you any good if they're negative. In fact, affirmations can negate the negative...that is, remove self-doubt.

I have used them all of my life, but I have not always been successful with them. I have still heard myself slip in those, "I'm such a dummy" or "I'm terrible at math" or "I'm never going to learn how to do this" comments. On the surface, these phrases may sound funny, and you may not think you're taking them seriously, but they do leave an impression. And the impression sticks. It's not a good one. In time, your mind starts to believe those negative comments. Your mind starts to believe the lies you are telling yourself.

LIGHTBULB! When you realize your mind can believe the negative comments you say, then you can see how it can also believe the POSITIVE. So, we use affirmations to remove the negative comments (that sneaky self-doubt) and replace them with life enhancing, reassuring affirmations--phrases that lift us up rather than push us down.

Just for practice, find a mirror, stand in front of it it, and say the following:

I am a good person.
I care about myself.
I work to the best of my ability.

These are three basic affirmations that will work for a man or a woman (both genders can benefit). They are simple statements of fact, or they are statements that you want to be fact and are working toward.

Now, create your own. Make a list. Think of 3-5 phrases you've heard yourself say recently or know that you've said often enough that create negative energy inside of you. Turn those statements around into positives. I'm talking about anything related to work, parenting, life at home, anything at all. It could involve a simple mistake that many of us have made at some time or another, for instance, after that time you ran out of gas and called for help, saying something like, "I'm so stupid and didn't fill my tank in time."

That's a lie you tell yourself. Think about it. So what if you run out of gas? So what? Yes, maybe you could have paid better attention. Maybe you could have glanced at the gas gauge before you drove off down the street. Maybe you could have done a number of things to prevent yourself from running out of gas. But it happens. It's not stupid. You're not stupid for doing it. It's just an event that occurred that's inconvenient. The tank can be filled back up. You can call the AAA company or other mobile service/auto club you belong to for help. A stranger behind you might pull over and help. The truth is, it's a mistake that can be corrected easily.

You're not stupid for making mistakes. But if you ever hear yourself say that you are, stop yourself immediately and say out loud something like this: "Thank goodness, I'm smart and joined that auto club. Now I can get the help I need."

Affirmations are empowering statements. They allow us to do good things for ourselves. Whereas, negative statements do not. They keep us where insanity wants us to stay--insane, angry, upset, stressed, maybe even immobile. Affirmations help move us forward.

Once you have your list of affirmations ready, write them down on Post-it notes and stick them in places where you'll see them regularly--on your computer screen, on your bathroom mirror, on the dashboard of your car, on the refrigerator. Stick them in places where you regularly look. And say them out loud when you see them. You want to retrain your brain to think positive thoughts, to see yourself the way you want to be or know you really are. You want to stop lying to yourself.

When you can see the truth of who you really are, your Recovery is working in your favor.

If you skipped the above exercise but know there is an affirmation you need to be saying to yourself out loud right now, what is it? Write it down right here. We'll say it out loud with you. At BIKE WITH JACKIE, as long as we are willing and able, we help each other. We are all in Recovery together.

In a pinch--will you help or walk away?

Yesterday, I was sitting outside of an ice cream parlor with my boyfriend, enjoying an evening treat. A young man came up to us, asking for a quarter. He wanted to make a call. My boyfriend didn't have any change in his pockets. I knew I did, but I let him be the one to decide if we'd help or not. I stayed quiet. When my boyfriend said, "No, no change," the young man walked away. As he was walking away, I kept looking at him, wondering if he'd get to make his call. Why didn't I offer him the change I had in my purse? Fear? I didn't trust what he really wanted? I don't know for sure. But I felt bad. I could have helped, and I chose not to.

It wasn't at all like the other day when I was at a meeting and, at the close, the emcee asked everyone to pick up after themselves. He suggested, "If you've left a bottle on the table, can you put in the trash?"

At my table in front, which I had moved to for the second half of the day, there were several bottles in front of me. I'd already tossed my trash in the garbage during a break. My seatmate, who had been sitting in the front all day, said to me, referring to several empty bottles on the table, "I've got my bottle. Are these yours?" I said, "No." And she walked away, leaving the bottles there on top of the table. She didn't offer to pick them up. I don't think she even thought about it. But I was left to think about my response.

I had a choice. I could pick up those bottles that weren't mine, or I, too, could walk away.

There was actually one bottle left on the table in front of me that hadn't even been opened. So, after I visited the recycling bin to toss the empty bottles away, I took the still-perfectly-good bottle of water to the kitchen area and returned it to a half-open box on the counter where it could be used again.

I then went back to the meeting room and started picking up other bottles. It's what I do after almost every meeting I attend with this group. We're a large group, and not everyone cleans up after themselves. It's always been that way. So I stay to help a bit with the others who do the same. We all know it's appreciated. It only takes a few moments of our time. So I'm always slightly stunned when I notice the person who won't take that one extra step--especially in this group, which was founded on the basis of "help one another." It's just a few steps extra over to the garbage can or recycling bin.

So this person sitting next to me decided not to help, but then I made a similar choice not to help that poor boy in front of the ice cream parlor. It would have only taken me a few extra steps--dig in my purse, open the zipper, pull out change, hand to the boy. But I didn't do it.

Then yesterday, I had another opportunity to help, and I chose to do it, only I didn't even have to think about it much. One person needed a source for a story and asked a group of friends for referrals. I don't know who else responded to him, but I knew I might have a source or two he could use. So I looked up the information and sent it to him right away. He responded greatfully, even saying he thought he definitely could use the information. He seemed surprised, though, and thought it was "too kind." Not only had I responded to his source request, but I had also given him additional information where he could possibly find more. I took the extra step or two, because I knew it would be helpful to him. I really didn't think much about it. I knew I could help, so I did.

So what's the difference between helping this man versus not helping the young boy? Why did I make two different choices?

If you were similar situations, what would you have done? I know you'd appreciate it if you were the one who was helped in either case. But if you could help a colleague, a stranger, a friend--even if it meant extra minutes out of your day--would you? Would your response depend on the situation, the place, the time of day, the type of help needed? What is it that fuels our desire to help?

If you want to live in a world where you can find peace and joy and fullfillment, wouldn't that happen if we were always willing to stand up and do more than what's just required. Yes, my seatmate picked up her bottle, as she was asked, but she chose not to do any more than that. Yes, I wanted to help that young man make his phone call, but I didn't.

We need to be more aware of how we can supply help when it's requested. In today's world, where we spend much of our time online, I realize it may seem more difficult to help others. It may make things less personal. But it also may make helping an easier thing to do, because it's safe. For instance, on Twitter, even though you get all kinds of requests all day long, and it would be impossible to fill all the needs, the help you can provide is more often than not right at your fingertips...and you're in control of it. Someone needs a link to a site, you have it, and can provide it in seconds. Or, someone asks you to visit his blog or take her poll. You can click to the Web site immediately. It only takes a few seconds, and no one's peering at you, waiting. You can then exit Twitter (without anyone knowing where you are) to take care of your other obligations and return later to start the process all over again. Or, come back another day.

I realize there are a billion ways you can "twitter" away your time online and at home, and even in the office. But helping each other is the most basic way to start and build relationships, whether it is online or in person. You can do that by helping to clean up a room after a meeting, providing information that you have on hand to someone who needs it, by visiting each other's blogs, by reading each other's articles, by buying what your colleagues are selling (if it is of use to you, of course). It only takes a few seconds to do something significant for someone else.

If there's a safety issue involved, okay, you probably do need to proceed with caution. But what if I made my decision not to help because there wasn't going to be anything in it for me? No relationship gained. No return favor granted. No payment.

No payment? That's not exactly true. Every time you help another human being, it makes you feel good. Plain and simple.

So next time someone asks for your help, whether it's for a quarter to make a call or contact information to finish a job, do you know what you'll do. Will you help or walk away?

Which response is going to be the one that leaves you feeling best about yourself?

Think about it...because that next time's coming. And when that time comes, come back here and post about it. We'd like to know how you feel.

Making tough decisions

This week has been a trying one for me, filled with a few unexpected--and a few unwanted--challenges.

Only one of them was I able to resolve so far. I had to make a decision to stop blogging for b5media.com, which hosts my travel blog The Phoenix Traveler . I love blogging about Phoenix travel and beyond. It's so much fun. And I'll continue doing that, but I'll have to begin from scratch a few months down the road--after I finish my travel book project. But on my current travel blog, well, I'll be posting my last post on or about January 23.

The thing is, timing is everything, and when a new contract with the company came my way a few days ago, wanting a decision on a new venture it wanted for itself, I had to decline. I wasn't sure I wanted it for myself. My old contract was cancelled in order for b5media to partner with a new company I didn't know anything about. And without enough time for me to investigate the company--I'm in the last days of finishing my book project, and that's where my concentration mostly needs to be--I felt the need to say no the new offer, and the new contract.

I'm a little bummed, because I didn't really want to stop blogging about travel at The Phoenix Traveler. Still, it seems that, in the face of that so-called loss, a new opportunity has come my way. In addition to beginning soon a new blog related to my very first book that comes out at the end of this year, I may be starting something of a joint venture with someone myself. Another writer has asked me to join her in a new project, blogging about budget travel in the Phoenix area. Both new enterprises should be fun. And even though I'm sorry to say goodbye to The Phoenix Traveler--I worked very hard to get it started and run it for the seven or eight months that I did--I'm excited about the possibilities of new ventures and new projects in 2009.

It was a tough decision. It took me some time to think about it and decide how I might proceed. When I realized I didn't have enough time to consider the matter more seriously, I went with my gut. My decision fell in line perfectly with my BIKE philosophy, particularly the K. Killer instinct. I went with my gut. What was my body telling me? As hard as it was, I listened. I paid attention. And because of that, I was able to make the decision that was right for me and move on.

There's been another discussion about using that gut instinct lately. Another writer I know, in fact, also at b5media, posted about this just this week, after we'd been discussing lack of payment issues at FreelanceSuccess.com. It's interesting to see just how important gut instinct is, but the gut doesn't work unless you make use of it. That's why, here, I use the bolder phrase. We all have instincts. We all have the ability to sense things. But, we don't always pay attention. We don't always trust that gut. When you're in tune with your body and know what it feels like in both normal and abnormal circumstances, then you can make appropriate and safe use of what I call your Killer instincts. They're "killer" because they're tuned in on the target. They're watching out for you. They're not only important for survival, but they're also important if you intend to thrive in a world that is always going to drop a challenge or two at your doorstep.

Do you have any decisions you need to make that you've been stalling on because you're unsure what to do? I urge you to trust what your body's trying to tell you. The answer is there if you just tune in.

All my best,
Jackie

A view to remember

I took this photo in October on my trip to Maine. On the coast about 20 minutes south of Camden, I was taking one last look at the sunset. But it had disappeared, and when I looked at it through my camera lens, this was what was left after sunset. I liked the peaceful calm that I witnessed in my viewfinder, so I snapped the picture.

It's worth remembering what peace and calm looks like, especially during hectic times that the holidays bring.

I use photographs like this one to remind me to stop and think, to relax. I have another that I took several years ago when on a trip to the Florida gulf shores. I was on an island called St. George. The shot includes the sea in the background, the sandy beach, and two empty beach chairs up close and in the forground. I like the symbol of that. I think of that photo when I want to remind myself of places where I've been, and places where I can still go. I could be sitting in one of those beach chairs, watching the surf, listening for seagulls, drinking an ice cold Mai Tai--because right behind those two chairs is a seafood restaurant that serves them. I could be there.

In fact, my six-year goal is to own my own beach house. I think I'll buy on the coast of Maine, but I can use this photo from Florida to help keep my dream alive. I think imagery is a good thing to use as reminders of what we would like to have in our lives. It's so easy to get distracted with what's happening now, that we can all too quickly forget what might be, or what will be.

What kinds of things do you use to remind you of your dreams, to help you relax, to keep you focused on what moves you forward. A physical bike can take you there, but it doesn't know where to go without your assistance. You need reminders, such as a mental BIKE, to help you do the navigating. Otherwise, how do you know if you're heading in the right direction, or even getting close?

This next week, pay attention to what you do to stay on track of your goals. Write them down. Notice what works and what isn't working. Start a conversation with friends about this so you can get more ideas. Begin collecting photographs or magazine pictures or other momentos that will act as reminders of what you want out of life. Think about what that looks like. If it helps you to post these items on a bulletin board (or something similar), do that. Hang this where you can see it daily. Then see what happens.

If you have ideas or thoughts to share about what kinds of reminders move you forward, post a comment.

Day of rest

It's Sunday, the day of rest. It's not often I'm able to actually use this day for rest. Today's no exception. I'm working today. Not all day, at least I have that.

But I'm curious.

What do you do on your day of rest, if you can manage to take it?

If I'm not actually working on a story, blog entries, or cleaning out/the yard, I'm off working on marketing my work...and more. It's a busy life, with not much time for rest. When I do take time off, I take it OFF. I don't post. I don't get online. I don't do anything remotely related to technology, except maybe answer my phone. And that's a big maybe. I'll let the voice mail take the call first, usually.

But again, on your day of rest, what do you do?

I'd like to get some dialogue going because I know down time is important, and it's always good to have options for how to manage it.

Just curious. And maybe others of you out there will be, too.

Jackie