Day 3: We're Celebrating National Bike Month!

That's me in the picture above last month on the Arizona Trail. I was in Flagstaff on assignment, pushing myself on a portion of Arizona's longest ride -- more than 800 miles. The trail runs the full length of the state, from the Mexican border to the south all the way up to the northern border at Utah. Maybe some day I'll ride the entire stretch, but on this day I spent about two hours on ten miles of single track. Up and down, over rocks, through narrow, sandy terrain. A fun ride if you're up for the challenge. By bike enthusiast standards, this one's actually a meager challenge. But it works for me. If I could spend more time on trails like this one, I would. I don't need to be too challenged. I know my limits. That's another part of the BIKE mentality -- know your limits.

About this time, I imagine my fellow blogathoners are considering that mentality. With 250 (or more) participants this year (I posted a link to all of us below the participant badge on the right-hand side of the page if you're curious), messages streaming like running water on the email listserv (no, I can't keep up), and the need to post updates to all of the social networks so you can let everyone know you're blogging all 31 days this month -- and with my decision to talk BIKE all month long -- I just learned via a press release that May is National Bike Month. A little serendipity, don't you think? Definitely! It means I have even better reason to push my limits to the max, hammering my brand of BIKE into your heads.

My mental BIKE means a lot to me. It's what gets me over those tough spots on the trail. It's what helps me deal with the daily rejection that editors slip into my email box when I'm not looking. Silly editors. It's what reminds me that I can do this, whatever "this" might be at any given moment: give a presentation to a new audience, for example, or write a story for a new editor, or conduct an interview with a stranger.

For me, riding the bike (either on the trail or in my head, as I reflect on the power of the letters in the metaphor) is a lifestyle choice. Just like National Bike Month is about bringing attention to the benefits of the ride, so, too, does my blog. The only difference is whether you choose the physical ride or the mental one. I choose both.

So how about celebrating National Bike Month with me? Here are a few things you can do:

_Take a ride. If you don't have a bike, you can always rent one.
_Write a blog post about the time you first learned how to ride.
_Share a ride with friend on a tandem bike. You can rent those, too!
_Post a picture of a bike you'd like to own on you blog and tell your readers why.
_Think about the benefits of a bike ride. It's not just physical.
_Talk to your kids about bike safety, and make sure they wear their helmets.
_Find a new trail or a new route to take on your next ride.
_Ride bikes with your kids to school one day this month.
_Can't find the solution to a problem at work, take a solo ride and see what happens.
_Go shopping for a bike. You don't have to buy. Just check out the options.
_Start noticing bike imagery -- on greeting cards, journals, in art.

The thing I love about bikes is that they represent positivity. They take you back to childhood, to carefree times. They give you sense of freedom. They provide inexpensive transportation. Even if you get a flat tire while riding one, that's a positive thing -- it offers a chance for you to witness how you deal with an irritating challenge. I connect to bikes in a way I never expected, and that's worth celebrating.

What's one positive thing you can say about bikes? Post your comment here. 

Blogathon Day 2: Food for thought

It's only Day 2, and I'm just starting to dig in to the 250 or so bloggers involved in this year's WordCount Blogathon, but already I'm seeing variations of the BIKE. To give you other ways to process the philosophy, here's more food for thought. Remember, I told you we'd get to know the other bloggers through BIKE WITH JACKIE. I wasn't kidding.

A short curated list for you: 

To be your Best self, access your Inner strength, and to develop those Killer instincts, you may need to learn when to let go -- What does that look like? Lady Moxie gives you an idea from her yoga class.

You use your Expressive voice not only when you stand up for yourself, but also when you can laugh at the oddities of life's everyday moments -- or the not so everyday rewards. At Still Living the Dream, we learn this because of a winning outfit. Prepare to smile if you read this one.

Holding yourself accountable also works wonders when on the mental BIKE ride. You'll find a great example of this over at Let's Walk and Talk, where blogger Glenneth Reed composes her list of things she's expecting to accomplish in 2012 -- and admits what she hasn't yet begun. She put it out there for all the world to see, and that will help her progress. That's also about being your Best self. You don't have to do everything right. But you do something.

One step at a time, and you'll get wherever you're going. It's about moving forward.

What have you committed to act on today? To help hold you accountable, you can post your comments here.

Blogathon 2012 -- Let the games begin!

Part of the celebration: new license plates!

The WordCount Blogathon 2012 has officially begun. Today marks the first day of 31 days of non-stop blogging with a blogging community you'll get to know during this next month here through BIKE WITH JACKIE. This time around my theme is all about the BIKE. In fact, to celebrate, I ordered new license plates -- vanity plates -- to represent my recommitment to the BIKE philosophy, or should I say my recommitment to write the book (memoir) about it.

As you may know, BIKE is an acronym that stands for what I see as the four key elements of who you are inside, what you're really made of, or, in other words, your core. It's a metaphor that leads you to:

1) find your Best self.
2) access your Inner strength.
3) develop your Killer instincts.
4) use your Expressive voice.

It's action-oriented. That means, it requires you to do something. There's good reason for that, and it's called taking responsibility.

Many of us were brought up without understanding who we really are, so we became what others wanted us to be, or what we thought others expected of us. We never stopped playing follow the leader, and we certainly didn't realize we could lead ourselves. I can what??? Nobody ever told me that.


Well, now you know.


Here, you learn a process that will show you how to identify the true core of your being. This identification as essential in order to live the life that best suits you. You. Not anyone else. To do that, of course you first must know yourself! It's not just me who believes this. "Know thyself" is a borrowed phrase from ancient Greece and before. Even Plato admitted it was a long-standing maxim when he used the phrase.

Okay, so while I'm not a Greek philosopher. What I am is experienced in the knowledge of what happens when you don't know yourself. You commit to relationships that are wrong for you. Been there. You take jobs that you hate. Done that. You say "yes" or "okay, fine," when you really mean "no." Do I have to tell you how many times I've done that? You could very well become a bitter person should this pattern continue. Whew! Shot past that one. When you don't know yourself, you act like someone else or for someone else. You don't feel like the you you really are, because you aren't, and you might not even realize on a conscious level why or that it's even going on. You don't have awareness.

But awareness is key.

I learned this first-hand during my bike rides to get through a three-year divorce. I witnessed the transformation and embraced it. What happened? Turns out that mind-body connection really works. I naturally used time on my mountain bike to assess and ponder what I was going through and how I wanted to respond. Taking in all the information that was coming my way -- advice from a good lawyer, financial consultation, friends' well-meaning jabs at the soon-to-be ex, and sisters on both sides who wanted me to "take him for all he's got" -- I processed. I knew right off that I wanted to respond in such a way that I'd be able to walk away from a marriage gone wrong with my head held high when all was said and done. I accomplished that. I didn't feel the need "take him for all he's got," I let the lawyers -- his and mine -- do their jobs. I just wanted my life back.

But first, I needed to reconnect with the me I knew I'd once been. She got lost somewhere between the "I do" and the "I'm done!" Intent on digging her back out, I wanted her to breathe air again. I believed in her.

And I'm not saying I didn't say or do things I shouldn't have, but I'm saying I made decisions methodically, strategically, thoughtfully, and I don't regret a thing. I could have had more. I might have had less. Whatever the case, I took care of myself. And I was able to do that because I listened and learned, appreciating that only I had the answers to how I would move past the unexpected pain. I had to trust I could take what was given to me and what I sought out for myself and use it wisely. Isn't that what we all really want when we're experiencing a life challenge? To come out of it still intact? To love ourselves when it's over?

Almost from that very first ride, I knew I was drawn to that bike for a reason. After all, it had been sitting in my garage for years. I hadn't ridden it but maybe a dozen times before. Maybe. So I knew there was a purpose to all of this. I just didn't know exactly what until much later. But I knew, and never let that knowledge stray. So I kept journals. Boxes full of them. 

And don't worry. This is not about riding a bike, though that's the tool I was drawn to use. You might be drawn to something else. Maybe running, hiking, sewing, fishing, boating, painting, writing, sketching, anything that is yours and yours alone. See, this is about finding that safe place to consider the challenges you're experiencing and to make sure you're responding in such a way that keeps you moving forward. It's your answer, not mine.

That doesn't mean you won't screw up, make mistakes and maybe even fail. What it does mean is that despite those screw ups, mistakes and failures, you will know how to overcome even those setbacks. They won't flatten your tire for too long. You'll be able to put the brakes on the stuff that threatens your success (even if it's just a mental pause, you know, like a negative thought or two or ten!), move them out of the way, and move on.

You'll be drawn to the things that will save you. You'll seek help where you know you can find it. You'll trust that you are doing what's right for you. And you'll walk away from your experiences feeling a sense of satisfaction and self-approval. You won't rely on others for that. And you will definitely reconnect with the spiritual guide you believe in to help lead the way. I think that, too, will come naturally, as we're all spiritual beings regardless of our awareness or lack thereof. That's what I believe.

If you don't know already, I teach what I call the "BIKE Lessons" in four-part increments, one letter at a time, to women in transition. I also give break-out presentations and keynotes to women's groups, business luncheons, and conference gatherings. My background has left me with a ton of stories to tell about each individual letter. It's why I can connect with my audience. Basically, I teach coping mechanisms, using the BIKE philosophy as the road guide. Just as my travel guide is a map to Arizona, guiding you to state thrills. My BIKE Lessons guide you to joy. Both are all about happy endings, and this is why I'm known as the BIKE LADY. It was a name given to me at a conference several years ago, and I've embraced it since then, mostly for the positive message it represents. Despite the challenges I've faced in life, I've had many things given to me, and that's what I want to give back: a positive return on your personal time investment. I want your time here to matter.

My BIKE is about moving forward. This is Day 1 of the Blogathon. For the next 30 days, we'll celebrate a sort of revival here. Maybe along the way, you'll reconnect with something that you've set aside and are on the verge or the fence about trying again. If so, I hope you'll share your story.

See you tomorrow? I hope so. 

Recovery: coping skills

Now that you understand the importance of letting go and can accept that there will be setbacks, what's next? What I've learned throughout my own Recovery is that I am going to need coping skills.

Coping skills are the tools we have within and without ourselves that help hold us up when we feel weak. Like a building has an iron frame and our body has a skeleton of bones, our mind also needs something to shore it up. We begin learning coping skills as children. When we get into trouble, we might tell a little white lie to avoid the consequence, or say something funny to divert attention from the circumstance. We learn where the best hiding places are, or where to go when we need time alone. We engage in escapism--inside the pages of a book, perhaps. Or we create an imaginary friend. We look for ways to provide the security Maslow (hierarchy of needs) says we naturally seek as human beings.

As we get older, we continue to use some of these early behaviors. We also adopt new ones. Maybe we begin journaling. Maybe we take up running. Maybe we gossip with our friends. Maybe we yell, kick or scream. Maybe we continue to crack jokes. Maybe we shut down. Coping skills have a lot to do with our individual personalities.

Do you know what your coping skills are? What are some of the tools you've adopted over the years that help you deal with change or the difficult times in life? Could you use a few more to place in your toolbox? Here's a list for you to review. Read through it and see what you currently use, or what you could begin making use of now. Maybe you aren't even aware you had coping skills or tools that would benefit you in times of need.

If there's something missing from this list that you have found useful in your own life, please add it as a comment below:

_Engage in a morning ritual that includes breathing exercises and meditation.
_Make a plan of action if you feel stuck. A simple written outline can do the trick.
_Watch a sunrise or sunset.
_Hike a mountain trail and spend time at the top taking in the view.
_Go for a bike ride, either alone or with a friend.
_Plan a week's worth of healthy meals.
_Schedule time in your daily routine for exercise, just 20 minutes for starters.
_Drink more water to flush out toxins.
_Jog in place to release stress, or jump rope.
_Begin a grateful journal.
_Journal what you eat on a daily basis, if you think food is an issue with you.
_Take an art class.
_Subscribe to a fun-for-you magazine and read it the minute it arrives in your mailbox.
_Read a chick lit or sci-fi novel, just for fun, from cover to cover.
_Take yourself on a date--no kids, no spouse, no partner, no dog, just you.
_Scream as loud as you can.
_Go wash the car.
_Play a musical instrument, if you have that talent.
_Sing a song in the shower, as loud as you can.
_Take an improvisation or acting class.
_Organize the shelves in your kitchen or the closet.
_Alphabetize your books.
_Order in and watch your favorite movie.
_Color in a coloring book.
_Doodle on a page.
_Go for a brisk walk, without the dog.
_Mow the lawn or trim the bushes.
_Clean the windows.
_Take a long, hot bath.
_Sit in the jacuzzi or go for a swim.
_Find a partner and play catch with a ball, Frisbee or other similar object.
_Go dancing.
_Light a fire in the fireplace and drink hot chocolate.
_Make a pot of loose leaf tea and drink it in your best china cup and saucer.
_Visit the nearest coffee house and people watch.
_Splurge on yourself at your favorite restaurant or clothing boutique.
_Visit your Farmer's Market and buy fresh and local.
_Call a friend or therapist.
_Take time to talk to your spouse or partner.
_Plan a vacation or a long weekend getaway.

If you'll notice, some of the suggestions on this list sound like work, while others sound like fun. The point is that they can help you get your mind off your troubles if that that's all you need at the moment. Or they can help you relax. Or they can help you solve the problem. Taking time for yourself, to be alone with your thoughts, to think through the challenges of the day, can be all you need to find the solution, to feel better, to move foward. Coping skills are not meant to be time wasters. They are meant to give you time--the time you need to adjust to new feelings, new surroundings, new people, new experiences, new whatevers.

Coping skills are learned behaviors, sometimes good, sometimes not so good. So we can all stand to learn new ones.

Get a sense of humor!

When you're in the midst of a tough time, when life just feels like too much, it's not funny. There's generally nothing funny about it; however, just as soon as you begin to see the lighter side of your situation, that's when you know you'll make it through. That's when you can start to relax.

A sense of humor is necessary to move forward and over those rough patches. It doesn't have to be a clown act or a comedy show, but just as soon as you are strong enough, look for the funny side of life. Laughter is a great coping mechanism. But you have to be open to it. You must want to see past the pain.

It's how I've gotten through most of my trials and tribulations. I've learned not to take life too seriously, because there's already too much serious going on. I've always needed to find the balance between the heavy and the humor. It helped me get through a rough childhood, teenage parenthood, a few bad marriages, widowhood, the rejection I get from editors, and so much more. It's what I learned to do as a child to protect myself, and it became a great tool to use as an adult. I don't know what I'd do without my sense of humor and ability to crack jokes at my own expense.

So look for the lighter side of life. If your significant other dumps you for another woman, let your attitude be: "She can have him."

You about to lose your house? Hey, thank goodness the AC works in your car, right?

If your life just isn't what you thought it was supposed to be, maybe you just took the wrong fork in the road. It might be a longer way to get there, but turn around and turn right this time. As long as you're not hurting anyone else, laugh at your mistakes. Find the funny in your foibles.

And if you trip while you're sipping that glass of merlot, do what I do. Don't be embarrassed. Just tell everyone: "Oops! That was the wine walking!"

If you need help in finding your sense of humor, here a few suggestions:

_Take an improv class.

_Try laughter yoga.

_Join a Laughter Club.

_Go see a comedy show.

_Read the funnies in the Sunday newspaper.

_Sign up for a joke-writing class.

_Buy a few gag gifts at the novelty store.

If you have any other ideas, post a comment here.