This blog introduces you to my special brand of BIKE. I show you how to find your Best self, access your Inner strength, tune in to your Killer instincts, and use your Expressive voice. It's inspiring, spiritual, quirky, and it's all in your head. It's about ATTITUDE, not exercise, though that might be a side benefit.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Speaking of compassion...

It seems that Chris Brown is upset that Oprah didn't show him more of it.

In an article in the Chicago Sun Times, it says that the musical artist is upset "by the episode of the Chicago-based talk show that Oprah devoted to domestic violence." It aired in March and was based on Brown's violent behavior toward Rihanna the month before.

Ironically, and very telling, he called it a "slap in the face." At the same time, he says he'd prefer if Oprah had offered him help. He does, it seems, know he needs that.

Brown is definitely in need of continued education, as well as the compassion he seeks from Oprah. In an article that will appear in People next week, the news account mentioned above says he apparently talks about a song he wrote for Rihanna while separated. In the song, "Changed Man," Brown explains to her how being apart took it's toll on him.

No. No, Chris. You're not a changed man, not yet.

As I said yesterday, the boy does need compassion. But he sure makes it tough. When you hurt someone, when you beat up the person you profess to love, when you send this person to the hospital because of your violent acts, you don't know enough about love to earn the right to say it. And you certainly don't later go off and write a song about how the results of your behavior hurt you. A changed man does not do that.

A changed man leaves this woman alone to heal. A changed man has healed himself--and that takes time. Maybe it'll take the entire five years he's been ordered by the judge to stay away from Rihanna. He would be best served if he used this time to learn what real love is all about. To me, he just sounds needy. And that's just not a good thing. Some of it may have to do with his age--he's young. But the rest has to do with his wounded self. He and Rihanna both have some healing to do.

Could someone please explain that to this boy?!


Babette said...

I agree--his use of a "slap in the face" was ironic, wasn't it, though. I saw a brief clip of all this last night, and the one thing Oprah says that should be printed and planted in front of CB? "Love should NOT hurt."

I find it almost more frightening that the violence did come from someone so young. I hear that it is becoming more common in younger and younger couples, which frightens me as I watch my own 13 y.o. daughter longing to get into the dating pool...Looking for ways to make this a teaching moment. Make sure SHE knows love doesn't hurt, too.

Dara Chadwick said...

Very interesting post, Jackie! I recently heard a sermon on forgiveness and the pastor used domestic violence as an example. Forgiving, he said, does not mean you stay in the relationship and allow someone to continue to hurt you.

I hope Chris Brown can learn from his own behavior and become a better man for having gone through it.

BIKE LADY said...

"Babette," Oprah's right on that line. I agree with your comment and concern about youthful violence. They are learning it from home, I believe. That is where these deep-seated behaviors begin. It's very sad. You have every right to be concerned for your own daughter.

And, Dara, I like your pastor's take on forgiveness. I know someone whose mother got mad at her when she told the mom that she was leaving her husband because he was abusive. The mother had also been abused by her own husband, so the cycle was going to continue with that kind of thinking. Thankfully, the daughter now understands why her mother would think that way; it's part of the dysfunction. That mother was mine. Forgiveness is necessary to move forward. Growth is a choice.

Jennifer Fink said...

Wow, powerful response there, Jackie.

I think your insight is right on. If he's still focusing on how this episode (a word which trivilizes it far too much) affected *him*, he's not even close to ready to be in a relationship. If anything, I think his behavior has shown how very far away from healed he is.

BIKE LADY said...

And therein lies the problem, Jennifer. It's about awareness--what I focus mostly on here at BIKE WITH JACKIE. My post yesterday pointed out that he'll need to take a moral inventory. That kind of work is about becoming aware, really looking at who you are, why are behave certain ways, and what might need alteration.

Without awareness, things stay the same. He needs people around him who will be willing to call him out. But more importantly, he needs to be able to do that for himself. He won't, not without awareness. We can know something to be true, but that doesn't mean we believe it for ourselves--not if we don't want to, not it it means we might have to do something about it.

Thanks for visiting my blog and continuing this important dialogue. Let's help do our best to stop the cycle of violence and dysfunction. It's painful. Period.