I've been thinking a lot about the Anthony family lately. You know who that is. It's the family in the midst of what must be one of the most trying experiences anyone could ever endure.
Daughter Casey Anthony is accused of murdering her only child, Caylee. Grandparents Cindy and George are fighting to hold on to whatever they have left. And brother Lee is somewhere in the middle of this tragedy. It's a horrendous story that has captured world-wide attention as we wait to see what happens in Casey's upcoming trial.
The bottom line is that a child died, an innocent little girl died for reasons we'll just probably never know nor be able to understand--even if the truth comes out.
And then George? He goes off by himself, wanting to die, wanting to find a way to rid himself of the pain. It's immense, beyond anything anyone can imagine--other than this family--and it takes me back to my own past pain...In times like these, one wonders, where and how do you find the good in you?
Haven't we all been there, to question this, during our own trials?
Is it even possible to move beyond circumstance and find something good in these times?
I can imagine the family feels guilt. What could they have done to have saved their little Caylee, they might be asking. Where did they go wrong? I can imagine their minds will not let them believe Casey could have committed such a crime. But, somewhere, deep down, in the recesses of their thoughts, they know what has not yet been proven. And that has to be the hardest thing to accept. Ever. They most likely see blame, shame and other negative emotions that do nothing to change the circumstance. But can they help it?
How do you look inside yourself and see good where it appears all bad?
Where is that Best self I speak of here?
I think George probably took the first step in finding it in himself when he wrote out so many of his thoughts in what is being called a five-or eight-page suicide note.
I think he has a long way to go, but I think he can get there. He may not like himself much right now. He may not see anything worthy at the moment, as his words imply. But his words on those pages, I think, also indicate a beginning to what I think will be a long fight to survive this tragedy. Maybe he's reached his turning point.
When that happens, I think you can see that as the beginning of change, the beginning of truth-finding, at least truth-finding from that individual's perspective. Others may see things differently, but no one can really argue with you about your truths.
I believe the only way to find your truths is to look within. A friend mentioned a conversation he'd had with two other friends the other day. They were discussing the Trinity and what is this thing called the Holy Ghost. I suggested to him that it was the Holy Spirit. It's the faith that resides in you, I said. You have God, you have his son Jesus, and you have the Holy Spirit--your faith. Without it, you are left with an empty soul. Maybe that's what George is finding out right now, that his soul is empty.
To refill it, he'll have to dig deep within himself to reconnect with his spiritual being. It's in him. I believe it's in all of us. I don't dare define what that is or what that means to anyone other than myself, but it's there in various forms because of the multiple cultures and world beliefs. Even if you call yourself an agnostic or a non-believer, there is something within you that helps you define right from wrong, good from evil, sane from insane. There is something within you that causes you to feel--even if that feeling is numb.
And, yet, the Holy Spirit, or whatever you wish to call it, is easily misplaced. We get caught up in our material world. We get caught up in our fears, our work, other distractions, the ego self. When we veer so far away from a higher power that we can no longer connect with our spiritual being, that's the moment when we feel lost. That's the moment when we feel we no longer matter. And I really believe it takes a turning point to create change.
There's no formula to reach the bottom. But once there, only you can decide where to go next. That means you have to know there's some good in you. You have to believe--even if just a little. You can then begin drawing from that belief--it's the inner strength you didn't know you had. Then, there will be light where there was only darkness. And you'll begin to take responsibility, no matter how difficult that might be or feel.
So, then, where do you find the good in you?
My belief is that you find it when you begin to look inside yourself.
But can you look deep enough?
That takes time, to which I say, take as much time as needed. And pray in whatever way works for you that your loved ones and the people you surround yourself with are willing to do the same.