Guilt. It does a body bad. It's not like milk, at all.
There's a reason I'm posting this today. I had a phone conversation with my boyfriend yesterday and said something that upset him. I did the same thing the other day with my daughter. Both were mad enough at me and used the silent treatment to show me just how mad they were feeling.
But I just thought I was speaking my mind. What's the big deal?
The big deal is that what I said hurt their feelings. My daughter was able to discuss this with me the next day. She took what I said as an attack. I listened to her, was sorry I hurt her feelings, and was able to apologize. I was convicted. I felt the guilt and then let go of it. We can both move on. No hard feelings.
But my boyfriend, on the other hand, isn't quite that open. He just shuts down. Then we get no where. If he's mad, I'd rather he just say so. Instead, he just doesn't talk. Or he goes passive-aggressive on me. It's maddening. And sometimes, like this time, I feel guilty for overstepping my bounds.
In any case, normally, he calls me first thing in the morning. We go have coffee or breakfast together. This morning, however, he must still be mad. And I think he's punishing me--at least, that's how it feels--because he hasn't called. I'd call him myself, but I'm leaving town and have things to do before I go. I've decided I've felt enough guilt for what I said (Remember, we're just practicing here, and I'm just trying to understand his behavior.) and now need to focus on my work.
So I guess my point in posting this today is to ask you: how do you deal with the guilt you sometimes feel because of the relationships you have with other people?
Are you able to feel it? Do you try to understand why it's there? Are you able to express it to yourself and others? If not, do you obsess over it till you can? How hard is it for you to let guilt go?
No need to answer here unless you'd like. But these questions are part of the process to look at your inner motivations. So if you would find it helpful to write down your thoughts, I encourage that. It's important to know why you behave the way that you do, why you say the things that you do, so that you can determine if you're acting appropriately or could use some adjustment.
I have some things to think about myself...and maybe some adjustments to make.
FYI: I'll be off-blog while I'm traveling again. I'll be back to post on Thursday.
See you then!