Bring "interior" design into your life

If I asked you what excites you about your life, would you have a ready answer? If not, maybe you need an "interior" overhaul, a new design on life, a little updating, so to speak.

You've heard the phrase on that commercial that says, "the mind is a terrible thing to waste." It's referring, of course, to drugs. Nevertheless, the phrase rings true on another level as well. Your mind IS a terrible thing to waste; it needs to be recharged every now and then because you deserve to have a mind that is refreshed and ready to take on new challenges.

If you're not changing things up a bit in there, the space becomes stale. It loses interest.

The good news is, you don't have to hire anyone to do this job for you. To spruce up the space and create a new "interior," all you need to do is put your senses to work and go from there. Here's what I mean:

COLOR--You're naturally drawn to certain colors. Do you pay attention to that? Are you bringing those colors into your life? You can do that in the design of your home, yes, but also in the car you drive, the flowers you pick up at the market on your way home from work, and in the clothes you buy. Take a look around you. If your wardrobe or furnishings or accessories ignore your true colors, think of how and where you can incorporate them. For instance, I love blue and green, and I like to wear blue jeans and solid print shirts with those colors on them. But I really craved the color red after my divorce. I was seeking something bolder, something that expressed my break from the sadness. So I bought a red leather couch. Whenever I look at it or sit on it, I am reminded of my Inner strength. (There's that I in the BIKE.)

TEXTURE--Have you ever noticed how plants, blankets, and the clothes you wear feel a certain way? Do you like certain textures and avoid others? In the desert, plantlife is often prickly yet softened by the tiny and billowy leaves of the mesquite tree or creosote bush. It balances out the view. Owls find protection in certain plants, as do ground squirrels and rabbits. They navigate toward the prickly bush or the tall palms, depending on their natural instinct to survive the heat or predators, such as the rattlesnake or coyote. Animals rely partly on texture to protect them. You can, too. Texture can protect you from the elements as well as from boredom. You may navigate toward sillky fabrics in order to feel sexy, or rough and woolen materials to stay warm. And if you need to change things up, you may seek out something with a mixture of both, or you may need to buy a flower with an unusual shape for your dinner centerpiece. Different textures exercise your mind, allowing it to adapt to change. So look around your personal space. Do you see varied texture? Is there someplace where you can add it. For example, I like to take a stack of books and arrange them so that they are at an angle. There's no rhyme or reason, I just like how it looks. When it comes to texture and what I might need at any given moment, I let my Killer instincts be my guide.

SOUND--There are times when I seek silence and there are times when I prefer sound. I might put a CD on the player. I might open the door and listen to the birds outside. I might turn on the water fountain, or go someplace where I can hear the sound of water falling into a pool or pond. Maybe I need a trip to the ocean. I can tell when I'm not feeling my best, because I'll go for days or weeks without listening to a single piece of music. I know then that it's time for a change. Just turning on the stereo in the car on the way to a meeting can cheer me right back up. It's no coincidence that we have ears. Of course, they are there for our personal protection. But they also exist to allow us to hear nature's beauty, to experience the world in decibles, and to enjoy conversations with others. Incorporating sound into your life can not only brighten a mood, but it can activate a dull mind. If you're in need of sound, if you've been neglecting the purpose of your ears, now is a good time to investigate what you might need to do to correct that. Sound works in conjunction with your Expressive voice when it comes to determining what you need to feel complete.

SCENT--I came home from a road trip this weekend to notice my gardenia bush in full bloom. I immediately bent down to smell the lovely scent. My boyfriend told me he loves it when you pluck the white flowers and place them into a fresh bowl of water. They give off their scent for days that way. I haven't tried it yet, but I think I will this weekend. They'd look nice on my kitchen table. Not too long ago, I was working on a project that left me tied up at the office for several months. I was working so much, I had no time to experience much, if any, of the outdoors. As soon as the project was complete, I visited a Farmer's Market. While there, I gravitated toward the booth where a woman was selling her handmade soaps. I smelled each and every one. I bought half a dozen to take home and wound up giving most of them away as gifts. But now I want more. I can tell when I need to incorporate scent in my life, because I'll go exactly where I need to go to find it. If you're noticing you could add a little scent into your life, maybe it's time to buy a new bottle of perfume or experiment with bath oils. Maybe a quick walk through a rose garden will do the trick. Accepting your need for things that smell good and make you go Ummmmm is a good indication that you're ready and willing to be your Best self--the you that embraces all the gifts that you and your life have to offer.

Just as we get bored with the way our rooms at home might look (and decide to add a splash of color here, or a new carpet there, perhaps purchase new furniture to replace the dilapidated couch we've had since college), we can get bored with ourselves as well. An "interior" redesign like what I've explained here can give us new perspective, offer us that new lease on life, and just plain feed our soul.

Feeding the soul keeps us motivated, keeps us interested, shows us where to look for more. It's yet another way to continue the forward movement.

If it's time for your "interior" design, share with us here where and how you can incorporate one into your life.

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Making tough decisions

This week has been a trying one for me, filled with a few unexpected--and a few unwanted--challenges.

Only one of them was I able to resolve so far. I had to make a decision to stop blogging for b5media.com, which hosts my travel blog The Phoenix Traveler . I love blogging about Phoenix travel and beyond. It's so much fun. And I'll continue doing that, but I'll have to begin from scratch a few months down the road--after I finish my travel book project. But on my current travel blog, well, I'll be posting my last post on or about January 23.

The thing is, timing is everything, and when a new contract with the company came my way a few days ago, wanting a decision on a new venture it wanted for itself, I had to decline. I wasn't sure I wanted it for myself. My old contract was cancelled in order for b5media to partner with a new company I didn't know anything about. And without enough time for me to investigate the company--I'm in the last days of finishing my book project, and that's where my concentration mostly needs to be--I felt the need to say no the new offer, and the new contract.

I'm a little bummed, because I didn't really want to stop blogging about travel at The Phoenix Traveler. Still, it seems that, in the face of that so-called loss, a new opportunity has come my way. In addition to beginning soon a new blog related to my very first book that comes out at the end of this year, I may be starting something of a joint venture with someone myself. Another writer has asked me to join her in a new project, blogging about budget travel in the Phoenix area. Both new enterprises should be fun. And even though I'm sorry to say goodbye to The Phoenix Traveler--I worked very hard to get it started and run it for the seven or eight months that I did--I'm excited about the possibilities of new ventures and new projects in 2009.

It was a tough decision. It took me some time to think about it and decide how I might proceed. When I realized I didn't have enough time to consider the matter more seriously, I went with my gut. My decision fell in line perfectly with my BIKE philosophy, particularly the K. Killer instinct. I went with my gut. What was my body telling me? As hard as it was, I listened. I paid attention. And because of that, I was able to make the decision that was right for me and move on.

There's been another discussion about using that gut instinct lately. Another writer I know, in fact, also at b5media, posted about this just this week, after we'd been discussing lack of payment issues at FreelanceSuccess.com. It's interesting to see just how important gut instinct is, but the gut doesn't work unless you make use of it. That's why, here, I use the bolder phrase. We all have instincts. We all have the ability to sense things. But, we don't always pay attention. We don't always trust that gut. When you're in tune with your body and know what it feels like in both normal and abnormal circumstances, then you can make appropriate and safe use of what I call your Killer instincts. They're "killer" because they're tuned in on the target. They're watching out for you. They're not only important for survival, but they're also important if you intend to thrive in a world that is always going to drop a challenge or two at your doorstep.

Do you have any decisions you need to make that you've been stalling on because you're unsure what to do? I urge you to trust what your body's trying to tell you. The answer is there if you just tune in.

All my best,
Jackie

Speak now...or forever hold your peace

My former pastor used this line the day I married the man I'd divorce ten years later.

"Speak now...," he told our family and friends sitting in the wooden pew of our church. But to whom was he really saying those words, do you think? Was he really saying them to the audience, or was he giving the couple before him one last chance to be honest before making what is expected to be a lifelong commitment. Wasn't he really making the point hit home that wedding vows are more than just words and signatures on a piece of linen paper? Wedding vows involve trust and faith and honesty--to yourself and others. Wasn't he really talking to me and my former spouse?

On that day, I married a man I had an inkling I shouldn't. I'd even postponed the wedding once. But I eventually married him, anyway. I was committed. How was I supposed to know he really wasn't? I had an "inkling," that's why. I recently had a conversation with a girlfriend who'd once done the same thing. And I even have a male friend who'd done this also. Not surprisingly, not one of us are still married to those spouses.

We did a few things wrong when we said our "I do's." For one thing, we didn't listen to our gut. Each of us had more than just the pre-wedding jitters. We were each having conversations in our heads about the mates we were about to marry. Maybe those inner thoughts came early on in the relationship--most do--or maybe they came later. Maybe they even occured at the time of engagement, when I said "yes" but meant to say, "No, it's too soon. I'm not sure." No matter. Whenever that internal dialogue arrived, we chose not to listen to it. The words were the warnings that could have kept us from making a mistake, but we chose to ignore them, to push them away, to believe they involved false fear. We chose not to listen to them. I say chose with good reason. Hopefully, all three of us can look back on the decision made on our wedding days and realize the choice really was ours to make, mistake or not. We did it. We have to own it.

The second thing we did wrong was refuse to "speak now." Not only did we not listen to our gut (our natural and internal security system), but we refused to talk about it out loud. Once again, we chose not to speak out, speak up, or "speak now." We forever held our peace, as the phrase goes.

Why do we do that to ourselves? Ignoring gut instinct, not speaking out loud to someone about our fears or concerns, it's not something that only happens at weddings. It happens daily. It happens to many of us. It gets us in trouble. So, why do we do it?

We do it for several reasons, one of which involves the family of origin. We learn early in our lifetimes whether or not to pay attention to those warning signals. If you grew up in an openly peaceful atmosphere, where you were listened to and loved unconditionally, where you could express yourself without fear of being reprimanded, you probably learned to pay attention to your gut. You learned to trust what your body was telling you. You learned how to be honest with yourself and others. If, on the other hand, you grew up in a household of uncertainty and insecurity, where there was addiction, where the authority figures in your life were unhappy. If you worried about making too much noise as a child, or, worse, if you took on the job as people pleaser because you just wanted everyone to be happy, you probably learned to ignore what you really felt. You probably learned to turn off the gut instinct. You learned that you couldn't trust your feelings. They might reveal too much, and then you'd have to deal.

As a child, you don't know any of this. You don't understand it. It's not until you begin making mistakes as an adult, and the mistakes start adding up, that you have to finally begin paying attention. If you don't, you're doomed to continue failing or not living up to your potential.

As I've said many times here, it was the wake-up call that tuned me in to my gut instinct.

If I hadn't had that, if my then-husband hadn't come home to tell me about his sexual addiction, I might not ever have known I even had a tune-in problem. I would have gone on ignoring my feelings. After all, I didn't have anything to go on other than "feelings," and what are they?! So what if he wasn't a very emotional guy, if he kept his feelings to himself, if he couldn't seem to relate to me on an emotional level? So what if I felt alone when I was with him? He was still here, wasn't he? Wasn't he? I didn't understand the full significance of what I was even thinking back then, let alone the feelings. But his revelation woke something up in me that forced me to pay closer attention. It was his truth. He finally chose to be honest with me, and I could finally admit there was a problem. He stopped hiding behind his, and I could stop hiding behind mine.

To this day, I don't know why he did that. But I'm grateful. It forced me to see the error of my ways, that I'd known something was wrong all along, that I'd been right to question myself.

If you are experiencing internal dialogue that you've chosen thus far to ignore--because, maybe, you don't like the message it's suggesting--my challenge to you today is to chose to listen to it. I've said this before, but I'll say it again (because some messages are worth repeating), your gut instinct is sometimes the only way you have to know if you're on the right track...or not. If you've been questioning a decision you need to make, if you've been stalling, if you're unsure, then I urge you to pay attention to that uncertainty, especially if this uncertainty comes with headaches or muscle spasms or a skin rash. Journal about it. It could be that your mind-body connection is trying to tell you something.

Then, when you can muster up the courage, decide to be vulnerable enough to have the conversation with the person your uncertainty involves. I call this your Expressive voice--it's the E in BIKE--and the voice needs to be expressed.

Speak now. There's no better time.

All my best,
Jackie