Peace and compassion

I just got word that a family member is dying. If you know anyone who is dealing with an addiction, of any kind, and is in need of extreme healing, as my family member is, would you set aside a few moments today to pray for peace and compassion?

Thank you.

My book: Backroads & Byways of Arizona

Kermit Hummel, editorial director, Countryman Press, had this to say today about my book (so I am told by Kim Grant, the acquisitions editor):

"...just went through the proofs for Backroads & Byways of Arizona. What a splendid little book. It just makes the place incredibly interesting and varied. Great job on this by Jackie Dishner."

You must celebrate your successes, so as they say in Twitterland, "Woot!"

Women in transition: how to move forward

To transform your life in transition, no matter what obstacles you're facing at the moment, take advantage of my BIKE philosophy. In a nutshell, this is how it works:

Part 1:
Decide what it means to be your Best self.

Part 2:
Believe that you can draw on your Inner strength to deal.

Part 3:
Trust those Killer instincts of yours (that's your inner guide) to show you the way.

Part 4:
Use your Expressive voice to ask for help as needed.

Each Part of my BIKE philosophy requires Awareness. You must know who you are at your core. The four parts of the mental BIKE will tell you who that is. It's about awareness. Ultimately, awareness leads to healing, healing leads to growth, growth moves you forward.

It can be that simple.

Your thoughts, questions, concerns?

(Photo above taken by Jackie Dishner at the mine museum in Jerome, Ariz., 2009)

Domestic Violence: coming to a workplace near you

As people continue to lose jobs, default on mortgages, and hear about their neighbors shooting their families--or strangers--dead, can you tell domestic violence is on the rise? Just read the papers, and you can see the toll this economy is having on the American psyche. What the papers don't talk about much is that domestic violence doesn't stop at home. If you think it's not affecting the businesses where you work, shop and play, you'd be wrong, says a business consultant who helps companies create policy that can save lives--and save those companies millions of dollars.

Meet Stephanie Angelo. You can call her a hero. After learning more about her work from an interview she did with personal safety trainer Larry Kaminer, I know I do.

The cost of domestic violence in the workplace is hidden in a lack of productivity, which costs more than $700 million to corporate America, says Angelo, who experienced domestic violence in her own home as a child, and is also the author of Bringing the Darkness into the Light, a book of stories, safety information and resources.

When you think about the work that she does--for example, skills training/role playing that helps managers become aware of the symptoms--it makes sense that her work is needed on the job. Who can focus at work when your body is feeling bruises, your mind fears what's going to happen later at home, and you have no one to turn to for help? Or, even if you did, you wouldn't feel safe asking and might be too afraid to speak up: people might judge you; you might lose your job. Management doesn't necessarily know how to deal with domestic violence. You don't take a class on it in business school. So management may not even know how to approach an employee about it. They wouldn't know what to say if they did. And they worry about the legal ramifications.

That's where Angelo comes in to save the day. She helps companies create policy that answers all of these questions and more--and helps them make sure it's sustainable, that is, that it's long-lasting. She offers on-going consulting services to make sure that it is.

And that's why I wanted to know more about what Angelo does because one part of my BIKE philosophy involves speaking out, using your Expressive voice, being able to ask for help when you need it. It's not only the domestic violence victims that need to do this, it's also the company president, the VPs, the managers, and also the employees needed to get the job done. No one is signaled out in her training services, so even if victims or abusers are present, no one has to know. They just need to know there is something both can do about it.

Angelo does face her own challenges in convincing companies her work is needed. So after I listened to her interview with Kaminer, I invited her to answer a few more questions for me so that I could share them with you. Here's what Angelo had to say about domestic violence in the workplace today:

Do you work with mostly large corporations, or is this something smaller companies buy into as well?

My clients have ranged from 150 – 600 employees. But I think that’s more a matter of coincidence. I could work with any size company and one thing I talk about is that it exists in companies of all sizes, like the one I mentioned in the interview that only had 8 people.

What kinds of issues are you dealing with most recently, since the economy has tanked? Has that brought out more of these domestic violence situations? Are companies stepping up? Or not?

The economy has hurt every one of us. So many of my contacts are saying they want to wait until 2010. Even then I have no guarantees the work will come through. It seems like everyone is waiting for everyone else. At the same time, I have several paid speaking engagements this fall and some client trainings and webinars.

In terms of how the economy is affecting DV occurrences – they have increased and worse is that the perpetrator seems (in my opinion) to take more family members out with the relationship partner. It seemed in the past that it wasn’t that often that they killed, or severely hurt just the relationship partner. [They didn't hurt] the kids and/or extended family. Now, it seems more often they kill a group. For example, the case of singer Jennifer Hudson’s family, or the man in California who dressed as Santa and killed 9 people at his wife’s house, or the man here in Phoenix who killed everyone and then himself. This is serious – and companies need to understand the offenders are our employees too.

In his interview with you, Larry Kaminer mentioned three things--apathy, complacency, denial--as key roadblocks in this kind of work. How do you overcome them?

I’m not sure you do. I have developed a thicker skin to rejection. I have a 5-minute pity party with myself and then pick up the phone again. I get rejected a lot. What sustains me is the clients that I do work with and how much they believe in the value of the work. What also sustains me is that every time I do a training or a presentation I’m contacted by people who tell me I helped them, or that I made a difference, that after they heard me or I was in their workplace, they contacted the resources I provided and got help; and that they would not have done that before I was there.

Is there a hero in your workplace like Stephanie Angelo?

If you've ever witnessed a domestic violence situation in your workplace, did you know what to do? Maybe Angelo can help.

Thoughts on leadership

There's not much about leadership I learned in a book or in a class. Most of what I know about leadership I learned after a wedding.

Take, for instance, my first marriage. I was a teenage bride who married because the baby was due in a month. Of course, I didn't see it that way at the time. Back then, I was in love! Yet when I finished high school and was ready to move on to college, my husband didn't want me to. We had an understanding, but he reneged, so I had to let him go. I left the title of wife behind for "single parent" and led my two kids off to college. That was the beginning of what I would come to understand as my learning to lead years. Those were tough years ahead for the three of us, but I knew I was modeling my first lesson to my "underlings"--the importance of education.

Then, there was my second husband. We dated in college and married a year after graduation. When he died not two months after the "I dos," I played follow the leader this time, as my new in-laws led me and my two kids directly to their house one state away to begin rebuilding a life that never even had to chance to be. Six months later, I took over from there, as it was time to move on and really start over. I led my kids back home to Phoenix and taught them this: hard times do not keep you down. Only you can do that.

This time, I had a degree and a little financial security to take with us. We were fine till I met "third guy's the charm." He happened to be everything but, and I married him anyway. We stayed together for about 13 years, till I found out he lived secret lives with other women. Instead of falling apart, I had to take the lead in this game as well, leading our butts into divorce court where everything--for the most part--was split 50-50. The betrayal left me with one of the hardest lessons of all: man does not always play fair--so you have to try your best to stay ahead of the game.

It's been five years since then, and I've since gone on to avoid those partnerships with might include me at the alter. Still, through all of my trials and errors, otherwise known as marriage, I've learned this about leadership:

_Leaders make mistakes, but more importantly, they overcome them.

_Leaders are kind to their underlings, but also firm, so the job gets done.

_Leaders can be late. They can procrastinate. They can even miss a deadline. But they cannot make excuses.

_Leaders know communication is a two-way street, but that it just takes one of you to open the dialogue. Leaders go first.

_Leaders understand boundaries: which ones to cross and which ones to avoid.

_Leaders are naturally drawn to people who will help them succeed.

_The best leaders care enough to listen, and they don't get involved in projects or people they're not passionate about.

_And leaders know when it's best to step aside.

Having learned from your own partnerships, do you have anything to add?