Deep thoughts NOT by Jack Handy

I'm guessing you've seen the "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy" on Saturday Night Live. They were a hit back in the 90s. The funny part wasn't that they offered great wisdom. The funny part was that they were presented as if they offered great wisdom. Can't you hear the slow and steady sound of the intro now..."Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy"...followed by the scrolling of his words down the screen?

I'm not sure how deep my own thoughts are going to sound here, and they're not going to scroll or anything cool like that, but I wanted to address a few things that have come up in the news lately. I can't help but wonder why we should care about any of this...

For instance, did you know Kim Kardashian is getting divorced--after less than three months? It's been reported that she made $18 million from her wedding. I'm guessing in wedding photos, stories and access to the tabloid magazines. Do we really care about this? Do we even have to be bombarded with the idea of such nonsense, especially when we know there are families who are in actual need, and yet, this is what we spend our money on? It makes no sense to me.

And did you know that the bickering on "Real Housewives of New Jersey" has only strengthened the public profile of Teresa Guidice, the one person the other cast members seem to despise? Why should we care about that? Do any of you out there even know her? She comes off as arrogant and righteous on TV. Why would she want herself to be portrayed as such to the general public? None of this makes no sense to me, either.

Of course, there's always "news" about the Lohan clan. They can't seem to stay out of jail. It's absurd!

What is it with our obsession with Hollywood and all things artificial? The Real Housewives might be real housewives. But seriously, if you said some of the things these people say to each other and about each other on national TV to your friends, you would have no friends. This is not real, people. This is a show. Even if the ugly behavior is staged or scripted, why do we care? Do these kinds of shows make us feel better about our own lives?

And the Kardashians? They came out of obscurity, became popular because of goodness knows what, and now they make millions. It's ridiculous. But does it mean we care that much about looks? I mean, I think the girls are lovely-looking girls, but they don't represent reality. The rest of us cannot go out there and flaunt our Target-bought fashions to the highest bidder. We can't get a cameraman to follow us around and report on our every move, thank goodness. And no one's going to really care if we divorce the NBA player who may have just married us because of our money. We don't have any money! Some of us don't even have jobs.

As far as the Lohans go, I am hard-pressed to remember the first names right now...

What I want to know about is how are we going to get out of this financial crisis that continues to burden real families in real life, from coast to coast and border to border? I want to hear more stories like the one I watched on TV last night about the oil drilling that's bringing jobs, people and financial security to North Dakota. I want to know that our next presidential election is not going to turn into an embarrassing free-for-all. As far as I'm concerned, no one's qualified to be president of the U.S. These people who want our votes don't seem to care at all about what really matters. What they care about is getting elected and forcing one-sided policies onto everyone, regardless of what those policies mean to the future of this country and the people who live in it. Politics has gone Hollywood. It's glamour. It's pretentious. But it's not real.

So the more I think about it, the more I think I'd rather have Jack Handy's wisdom retake the airwaves. It, too, might have been absurd. But if we're going to be forced to live with fake, it might as well be funny.

What do you think?