The long walk...or the long talk

Yesterday, I posted a quick question with an accompanying photo. I wanted to find out what you do when you feel like you need to go for a walk. That feeling usually occurs because anxiety is building up within, and I wanted to know how you respond to that.

_I walk.

_I ride.

_I write.

Those are generally my top three ways to respond to anxiety build-up.

So, let's try this again. When you feel that restlessness, when you feel anxious, when walking seems like the answer, do you respond accordingly?

If not, why not? What's keeping you from acting in the most natural and healthy way possible?

What do you do instead?

Post your thoughts and let's get a dialogue going.

Question of the Day: Ever feel like...

...you just needed to go for a walk? Well, did you do it?

My thoughts about the Tiger Woods Apology

I resisted till I could resist no more.

I am weighing in on the Tiger Woods apology.

I thought Tiger Woods did a good job with it. He had some tough things to say to the public, and he said them.

He's right. He has a lot of work to do. He's far from done. It's too soon for him to know where's he's really at, but he sounds as though he's doing okay. For now, if he truly has a sex addiction, or even if he's just a narcissistic SOB, he's doing okay. And that's all anyone can expect for someone who is just now starting for the first time in life to deal with who he really is inside. If you're NOT being the best you can be, and you've been getting away with a lot of bad behavior for a long time without consequence, you can imagine it would be tough to: a) have to face that, and b) change the behavior.

I'm not excusing him. I'm just sharing with you what I know. And that is that there is still hope for the guy. We all have to have hope. Over time, we'll see where that goes.

For those who are speculating about why his wife, Elin, was there or not, this should make no difference to us. But I do think she was smart not to be there and have to deal with his public humiliation. It's not hers, as he was sure to point out. With her head down in the front row, you could see that it was hard enough for his mother to deal with, let alone his wife. His mom probably felt she had to be there for her son. If it were your son in front of the cameras, you might do the same. As for his wife, I think she was smart to take care of herself in this matter. She didn't need to be there. And he was damn smart not to drag her there.

But back to his apology...I thought he did seem honest, contrite, and sincere. It doesn't matter if he was coached or not on what to say. He still had to get up there and say it. He still had to face the camera. He knows what he's done and that it's affected people he purported to care about. He took responsibility. I think that's about the best he can do at this point.

He said he thought he could get away with doing what he knew was wrong.

"I felt I was entitled," he said.

From my perspective, from someone who was married to a man who cheated in much the same fashion but who never did own up to his bad behavior, this was huge. For him, it would have had to have been a huge revelation. I can imagine he must have even cried when that came out in the open. He was having to admit, maybe for the first time, that he wasn't this god he had built himself up to be, that he was human, and he was the cause of pain--a lot of pain--to those he was supposed to love and cherish.

That pain is still yet to reveal itself. So it won't be likely that he'll be able to apologize to everything. Not yet. As he said, he has a lot of work to do.

So does it even matter if he's a sex addict or not? And what does that term mean, anyway. I remember a man once asked me about my ex, "But was it just a sexual compulsion? Are you sure it was an addiction?" To which I had to ask him, "What does that matter to the wife who's been hurt by the behavior? It's just a label."

Tiger Woods was living in some kind of fantasy world where he didn't have to answer to anyone but himself. He admitted that. That's what happens in the addictive world. You find your safe place. It could be alcohol. It could be drugs. It could be sex. Who knows? Who cares? It still causes pain. Oh, sure, the addicted get to numb themselves, but in that numbing process, they are bringing about a lot of pain that can stay hidden for many years--until it's finally revealed. Until it is, you don't know the damage left behind.

From my perspective, Tiger Woods accomplished what he needed to do and is now doing the rest of what he needs to do. So he says. He didn't promise to come back to golf any time soon. He knows he can't promise that. He didn't say he was healed. He knows he's not. He didn't even say his marriage and family have been saved. He realizes that's far from the truth.

I think he was smart not to bring too many people in that room where he spoke. As someone who is wounded, he was right to protect himself. He was putting himself, of his own volition, in a very vulnerable place. So I don't think he did anything wrong by limiting who he'd allow in that room. There's nothing wrong with trying to protect yourself in the face of the animosity he knew must be out there. I think he was probably advised to do that. I don't think it was bad advice. Not now that I've seen what he had to say.

But even that doesn't matter. It doesn't really matter what he's said at all.

What matters is where he goes next, and like he said Elin told him, which is more important: what he does.

This is just the beginning. Hopefully, he can live up to his early recovery high. Psychologists say it can take five years to overcome an addiction such as this one. That's a long time to commit. Actually, I think it's a lifetime. Now that's a long time to commit! Can he do it? Who knows? That remains to be seen.

But if it's worth your time, I suggest he might need a prayer or two from each of us. It'll take that and more for him to truly overcome his transgressions.

I wish him the best.

More importantly, however this may play out for the golfer's family, I hope Elin and her two children wind up healed. And if I were him, I'd be damned sure I did all that I could to make room for that to happen. For his own health, for his own authentic happiness, that might be the only way he gets a life back. Not the one he had, but a better one, the healthy one we all deserve.

A happy mind and a healthy heart

The headline reads: "Happiness good for the heart."

Even though this might be a new study, I'm not sure this is "news."

Don't we know this already? The happier you are, the healthier you are? Regardless of the fact that researchers in Nova Scotia felt the need to conduct a study--it lasted 10 years--that seems unnecessary, I did like this statement from the doctor involved:

Devote at least 15 to 20 minutes a day to doing something enjoyable and relaxing. And make sure this activity is not the first thing to be abandoned on a busy day.

That's good reason to BIKE.

Question of the Day: Who's your Valentine?

It's the season of sweethearts, chocolate and sexy lingerie. But I wanted to remind you to remember who to take care of first. You. You're the real Valentine in your life.

Yes, you may have a sweetheart who will hand-feed you sweet nothings and deliver red roses or fresh tulips to your door, but deep down, if you're not taking care of you, none of that other stuff matters.

So, when you wake up on Sunday morning and realize it's "I HEART DAY," remember the heart you're most responsible for each and every day. Take care of YOU!

Happy Valentine's Weekend to all of you!

X0X0

I'll return to BIKE WITH JACKIE on Tuesday.

A return trip

Hey, there! I'm sure you've noticed my absence. Clearly, I had OD'd on the Social Media Networks and needed more of a break than I thought. So I really did take one. But now I've returned. And I've returned with an inspiring message from a writer I know who lives in New York but spends a lot of time abroad--often in poverty-stricken countries, such as Africa.

In her new assignment--based on a grant she received from The Pulitzer Center--she'll be writing now about Haiti's recovery after the earthquake. Something she wrote in this blog post caught my eye, and I just had to share it here with you. She wrote:

"There is a Haitian saying, “Dèyè mòn, gen mòn.” Beyond mountains, there are more mountains. Once you have survived one obstacle, there is always another to overcome. Yes, Haiti is the poorest nation in the Western Hemisphere, with a tragic history of ills, both natural and manmade, but her people, undaunted by the cruel blows of fate, continue to climb."

It is true. We will always have obstacles to overcome. That is life. And with stories like the ones my writer friend, Lisa Armstrong, will be writing for The Pulitzer Center, you see the greater good. You will see the value of embracing obstacles as lessons in growth. You will see your challenges in a more positive light. You will remember that no matter how bad you think you have it, there is always someone who has it worse. And if someone else has it worse than you, what is there to complain about?

Certainly, we can consider ourselves lucky; we are not Haitians trying to build a place to sleep out of whatever we can find beside the rubble--wood, sheets, plastic, blankets, as Lisa reports. We have a warm space to rest our weary bodies. We do not have to rely on relief organizations to feed our starving bellies. And even if we without a job at the moment, we know if we look hard enough, we will find exactly what we need. Even the Haitians, Lisa says, believe this.

And I know in my heart and in my soul that if the people who are overcoming the most natural of disasters can believe in a future, then so can I. How about you?

(You can find more of Lisa's inspiring stories from Haiti here.)

New year, new direction

Look at the three of us! This photo was taken by Armor Todd in Sedona. He runs the Sedona trolley you may see around town if you've ever visited. His wife Patti is the PR representative for Sedona Rouge. The three of us in the photo, me, Christine Bailey and Teresa Bitler, were in Sedona two weekends ago giving a presentation about Arizona. We were also there to sell and sign our books.

Since late last year, we've joined forces to form the Arizona Authors & Adventurers, and I wanted you to meet us. You can find more about us and what we're doing together if you click on the link at the top of this page--on the right-hand side. But for now, I wanted you to know that this is a new direction I'm taking this year, and I expect it to be a very productive one. Each of us work on our own as well, but we thought it would be fun to figure out how we could work together to promote Arizona travel and our books.

Don't worry. I'm still the BIKE LADY. I'll still be coaching. I'll still be speaking and teaching my BIKE Lessons. I'll still be coming here. It's my passion. But from time to time, you'll be hearing about what the Arizona Authors & Adventurers are doing as well. I hope you don't mind. It's just if there's anything I've learned about the social media networks it's that you don't benefit if you don't use them. So use them I will.

And while you're here, be sure to keep me updated on what's new with you in 2010. It's a new year. Are you seeking any new or additional directions?