My thoughts about the Tiger Woods Apology

I resisted till I could resist no more.

I am weighing in on the Tiger Woods apology.

I thought Tiger Woods did a good job with it. He had some tough things to say to the public, and he said them.

He's right. He has a lot of work to do. He's far from done. It's too soon for him to know where's he's really at, but he sounds as though he's doing okay. For now, if he truly has a sex addiction, or even if he's just a narcissistic SOB, he's doing okay. And that's all anyone can expect for someone who is just now starting for the first time in life to deal with who he really is inside. If you're NOT being the best you can be, and you've been getting away with a lot of bad behavior for a long time without consequence, you can imagine it would be tough to: a) have to face that, and b) change the behavior.

I'm not excusing him. I'm just sharing with you what I know. And that is that there is still hope for the guy. We all have to have hope. Over time, we'll see where that goes.

For those who are speculating about why his wife, Elin, was there or not, this should make no difference to us. But I do think she was smart not to be there and have to deal with his public humiliation. It's not hers, as he was sure to point out. With her head down in the front row, you could see that it was hard enough for his mother to deal with, let alone his wife. His mom probably felt she had to be there for her son. If it were your son in front of the cameras, you might do the same. As for his wife, I think she was smart to take care of herself in this matter. She didn't need to be there. And he was damn smart not to drag her there.

But back to his apology...I thought he did seem honest, contrite, and sincere. It doesn't matter if he was coached or not on what to say. He still had to get up there and say it. He still had to face the camera. He knows what he's done and that it's affected people he purported to care about. He took responsibility. I think that's about the best he can do at this point.

He said he thought he could get away with doing what he knew was wrong.

"I felt I was entitled," he said.

From my perspective, from someone who was married to a man who cheated in much the same fashion but who never did own up to his bad behavior, this was huge. For him, it would have had to have been a huge revelation. I can imagine he must have even cried when that came out in the open. He was having to admit, maybe for the first time, that he wasn't this god he had built himself up to be, that he was human, and he was the cause of pain--a lot of pain--to those he was supposed to love and cherish.

That pain is still yet to reveal itself. So it won't be likely that he'll be able to apologize to everything. Not yet. As he said, he has a lot of work to do.

So does it even matter if he's a sex addict or not? And what does that term mean, anyway. I remember a man once asked me about my ex, "But was it just a sexual compulsion? Are you sure it was an addiction?" To which I had to ask him, "What does that matter to the wife who's been hurt by the behavior? It's just a label."

Tiger Woods was living in some kind of fantasy world where he didn't have to answer to anyone but himself. He admitted that. That's what happens in the addictive world. You find your safe place. It could be alcohol. It could be drugs. It could be sex. Who knows? Who cares? It still causes pain. Oh, sure, the addicted get to numb themselves, but in that numbing process, they are bringing about a lot of pain that can stay hidden for many years--until it's finally revealed. Until it is, you don't know the damage left behind.

From my perspective, Tiger Woods accomplished what he needed to do and is now doing the rest of what he needs to do. So he says. He didn't promise to come back to golf any time soon. He knows he can't promise that. He didn't say he was healed. He knows he's not. He didn't even say his marriage and family have been saved. He realizes that's far from the truth.

I think he was smart not to bring too many people in that room where he spoke. As someone who is wounded, he was right to protect himself. He was putting himself, of his own volition, in a very vulnerable place. So I don't think he did anything wrong by limiting who he'd allow in that room. There's nothing wrong with trying to protect yourself in the face of the animosity he knew must be out there. I think he was probably advised to do that. I don't think it was bad advice. Not now that I've seen what he had to say.

But even that doesn't matter. It doesn't really matter what he's said at all.

What matters is where he goes next, and like he said Elin told him, which is more important: what he does.

This is just the beginning. Hopefully, he can live up to his early recovery high. Psychologists say it can take five years to overcome an addiction such as this one. That's a long time to commit. Actually, I think it's a lifetime. Now that's a long time to commit! Can he do it? Who knows? That remains to be seen.

But if it's worth your time, I suggest he might need a prayer or two from each of us. It'll take that and more for him to truly overcome his transgressions.

I wish him the best.

More importantly, however this may play out for the golfer's family, I hope Elin and her two children wind up healed. And if I were him, I'd be damned sure I did all that I could to make room for that to happen. For his own health, for his own authentic happiness, that might be the only way he gets a life back. Not the one he had, but a better one, the healthy one we all deserve.

Infidelity: 3 indicators that it could happen to you

News of pro golfer Tiger Woods' "transgressions" has spread like wildfire, which, as anyone with an internet connection knows, is the case with all celebrity downfalls.

Obviously, the guy's embarrassed that his alleged infidelities have been made public. Of course, it helps if you: a) don't cheat in the first place; or b) don't get caught by your wife who is wielding your favorite golf club at you as you make your escape in the Escalade. If you do the latter, especially, it's kinda your own fault that your private matter turned public. And whining about it doesn't really help; it only adds to the problem.

What might help is if you realize ahead of time infidelity really CAN be avoided. Some psychologists say it's so. Even though I've been cheated on myself, I think that's true. But when it happens, it's a real confidence BUSTER--completely opposite of what we've been discussing this week. Surely when the cheater gets caught, which is inevitable, that can't help his (or her) confidence much, either.

So to turn this "news" that just won't go away into something that is actually useable (Gossip generally isn't), I thought I'd share some of what I learned because of my own experience with infidelity. Let me be clear: I don't take ownership of what my ex did, not at all. He has to own that. I do, however, take ownership of what I didn't do to help prevent it--and most of that has to do with my choice of a mate in the first place.

Here are the three indicators I learned to watch out for--and caution you about, especially if you haven't yet married your sweetheart:

1) Before you even get married, before you even start dating, be clear about who you are and what you want from a life partner. I wasn't clear on any of that (didn't even know I should be) and wound up marrying someone who I suspected early on was not right for me. I even wrote about this in my diary. But I couldn't "see" any clear signs that anything was wrong, and I wanted to believe in the "fairytale." So I married him, anyway. It wasn't till after I decided to divorce him that I realized I hadn't been trusting my gut feelings. They are there to protect you, and I had been ignoring them. Decide what you need from a mate, and make sure the mate you find can provide that for you, within reason, of course.

2) When the man you're dating tells you he cheated on his wife, pay attention to what he's really telling you. In fact, realize that he's giving you an out right from the start. Without even realizing it, he's telling you about who he really is. This is the type of guy you don't want to call again. This is the type of guy I married. He gave me excuses about why he behaved this way, and I fell for his excuses. I didn't hear what he was really saying. Instead, I believed he was wronged by his first wife. I heard his victimhood, his pain, and I wanted to fix it, since she didn't. WARNING: Whenever you feel the need to fix someone else, that means the person who really needs fixing is you. Take care of your broken parts. Leave someone else's broken parts alone. They are not yours to heal.

3) Choose the life partner who is emotionally attached. If your future mate gives you any indication that he or she cannot relate on an emotional level, end the relationship now. This person has issues. And you might have a few of your own, otherwise, why else are you attracted to someone who cannot--or will not--be there for you? If you hear yourself saying, "But his family is the same way. They just don't do feelings," watch out! You'll wind up doing enough feelings for all of you put together! That, my friends, is called co-dependency, and it's the last thing you want to be in a relationship. It's a surefire way to infidelity--and a lot of excuses to get you there.

Agree, disagree, or do you have anything to add?