Day 28: Accepting yourself--as you are

A few days ago, I received an email from my hairdresser:

"Hey, we miss you around here!" was the gist of the message. It's nice to be wanted. It's one reason why I like going back there, month after month. But my finances have been slim lately, so I've been watching where I'm spending my money. Fancy hair cuts and color have not been it. Besides, what might appear to be haircare neglect has also given my hair a few months to grow out, and I like the length!

It's been two months or so since I've had an appointment with my hairdresser, and, this morning, when I was looking at myself in the mirror while blowdrying my hair, I once again noticed those sparkling streaks. I call them my sparklies, you know, the grays. When they first appear, they look like tiny specks of glitter. I don't mind them. I think they're kinda cool-looking at that stage. Two months into their growth, however, they're starting to look like sparkling streaks of paint...as if I just painted a room in the house and splattered it, instead, all over my head. Only, the streaks are all uniform, and they actually blend in pretty well with my auburn hair. I don't really mind them all.

They're still there because, in light of saving money, I also decided maybe I'll just experiment with this. How long do I want my hair to grow out? How long before the ends need a trim, anyway? And am I really liking those sparkling streaks, or am I just kidding myself?

Looking in the mirror today, contemplating whether I need to make that call to my hairdresser or what, I noticed that I'd stopped looking or seeing the gray in my head. It didn't matter. Whatever I choose to do, I'll do. Meanwhile, I am accepting me just the way I am. Grays and all. But, if you don't mind, I do prefer to call them my sparklies. That makes them more fun.

Do you have a story to share of a moment you came to realize you accept yourself as you are? If so, share it here.

Day 26: Breathing

 

Smile, breathe and go slowly.  ~Thich Nhat Hanh

I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart:  I am, I am, I am.  ~Sylvia Plath

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.  ~L. Frank Baum

I feel like I'm on top of the world. Honestly, I feel like I've climbed a very giant mountain, and I'm just standing on top with my arms wide open and breathing rarified air.  ~Shania Twain

Listen, are you breathing just a little and calling it a life?  ~Mary Oliver 

Day 25: Working through resistance

In my journal today, I wrote one word: resistant.

I'm feeling resistant about this work right now. I don't want to write in my journal. I don't want to think about the things that might be bugging me (Are there really that many???). I'm reluctant to go for a walk. I'd rather do anything than this.

You'd think that would happen in the earlier days, as Julia Cameron tells you to expect in The Artist's Way. But here I am, nearing the end of this exercise, and all I can write in the journal is one word?

To work through this resistance, I am doing the following:

_letting myself engage in the avoidance.

_listening to what my mind is saying.

_paying attention to what resistance feels like.

I have decided it's okay if I don't write in the journal every day. It's okay if I wait till late afternoon to jot down my thoughts--even if they are single-word entries. It's okay if I miss the walk or ride the bike instead. Or even do squats. It's okay if I feel this resistance. It's still telling me something. I'm still listening. I'm still paying attention to the tightness I feel in my jaw or the nervous energy that's settling in my stomach. Resistance is telling me something. And I'm paying attention.

I expect the solution will show up on the page later.

Just not today.

Day 23: Finding stillness

A river guide sits quietly above the Colorado in the Grand Canyon

 “Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.” ~Winnie the Pooh

 I posted the link to a reported essay on my Facebook and Twitter page today about the idea that stillness is something the younger generations behind us will know better than we do now.

I don't doubt it. I agree with one of Pico Iyer's (the author) early suppositions: "The more ways we have to connect, the more many of us seem desperate to unplug." I've often felt this need to disconnect, and rarely do I feel guilty when I do. It's why I'm learning to be okay that I have not blogged every day during this journal writing/meditation/blogging exercise. Blogging daily isn't really necessary to get the full benefit. It's extra. I'm also okay if I miss one of the other parts in the exercise. It is what it is.

And it's possible I just might need time to process what I've been learning about myself, because this exercise has led me to some thoughts that have been somewhat painful and true. That's the challenge when you go quiet. When you take time to process, to ponder, to find stillness, that time may also lead to you to what is making you feel the opposite.

Not a comfortable place to be, mentally, but I think it's necessary.

That's why I don't think it's a coincidence that we've also been discussing this and working on this--stillness--in yoga. It's clearly something I'm being drawn toward and clearly something I need.

I even came up with a pitch I'd like to write for a magazine I just discovered. The topic: boulder sitting. The point: finding stillness.

Yes, I would have to agree with Iyer who wrote also in this piece about why he takes time away from his family to stay at a Hermitage not far from his home..."I just take walks," he writes, "and read and lose myself in the stillness...it’s only by stepping briefly away from my wife and bosses and friends that I’ll have anything useful to bring to them."

If you agree with this idea that stillness is essential, where do you plan to find yours in 2012?

Day 21: Starting over

It's January 1, 2012--a new day, a new year, time to start fresh. Whether you revise old goals, create new ones, make promises to yourself, initiate a plan of daily affirmations, commit to any variation of a new (or old and adjusted) mental, spiritual or physical diet, I wish you well in the new year.

I wish you a fresh start, a healthier lifestyle, a more positive attitude.

Whatever your heart desires this year, I hope you get it.

And I hope you wish me the same.