Fresh start

Yesterday, I officially began participating in a blogathon. Should be a fun-filled month ahead, with lots of links and back and forth commenting. At least I hope it works out that way.

Today, I chose the above picture to post because I just returned from New York, where the tulips are blooming all over the city. I found these in Central Park. I took several shots, but this one was my favorite. Since I'm not feeling well (I returned home with a head cold. Not swine flu. No worries there.), I thought it would be nice to give myself--and you--some flowers and the promise of a fresh start. Don't know about you, but I feel better already. ;-)

At BIKE WITH JACKIE this month, during the blogathon, we'll focus on a theme--the fresh start.

I find when I am in healing mode (whether that's from a cold, a personal upset, or other unfortunate circumstance) I look for the beautiful things in life, tulips, for instance. What about you? When you're down or feeling lousy--no matter what the cause--are you able to look for, see, and focus on things that can set your mind at ease?

For the next 30 days or so, I'll share with you what I do to steer my thoughts in the direction of what I do to keep the momentum of forward movement going, even when a ride is not possible on the road. For me, the ride is always possible inside my head. It can be the same with you as well.

So, we'll start with tulips. Then, each day I'll post a new picture and comment on things that keep me going or things that help me stay focused on where I'm going. Maybe it'll help feed the creative juices inside of you, so that you can do the same for yourself for whatever your goals might be.

At BIKE WITH JACKIE, we focus on living life with purpose, making conscious choices, and moving toward that which feeds the soul. Flowers in a garden can feed the soul. We'll start there. Tomorrow, please come back to see what else.

Reasons to ride a bicycle: Reason #4

For the challenge, for awareness, for time alone...these are three good reasons to ride a bike. The fourth--and final (on this list)--is even better.

Reason #4: It will act as your reminder.

Remember that phrase, "It's like riding a bicycle, you never forget." That phrase applies here as well, in terms of the mental aspect of riding a bike. What happens on the road, doesn't stay on the road. It comes home with you. It stays with you because it's now embedded in your mind.

You remember your thoughts, your concessions, your decisions. The mind-body connection takes over. That's how I transformed what, for me, started out as a metal bike into a "mental" BIKE. As I thought about who I had been, who I was, and who I wanted to be, I realized there were ways that I had behaved in my past that wasn't the me I knew I was. I began striving for the better me.

I wanted to laugh again, to love again, to trust again. I wanted to believe I could have good things in my life. I wanted to believe I didn't have to live the soap opera life for one minute more. But it all had to begin with who I was and how I defined myself. I needed healing.

Just as a deep physical wound can heal, so, too, can a mental wound. There may be scars left as reminders, but reminders are a good thing. They tell you how far you've come, and they tell you what not to do again, because, clearly, it didn't work before.

I was too fearful of challenges before. I wasn't paying attention before. I wasn't taking care of myself properly before. And I wasn't sure about who I really was. I hadn't really given much thought to that. I'd just been going through life in survival mode. That's what I'd learned to do best. But it wasn't the best I could do.

From the seat of my bike, I took a good, hard look inside myself and saw areas that needed improvement. Once I realized where improvements could be made--for one thing, by taking that moral inventory I mentioned earlier--I could begin the real work. Not only that, but I realized I wasn't alone in this process, that I had a spiritual advisor who would help hold me accountable. Some people might call that conscience, but if you're a spiritual person, you know you have a higher power to act as your scaffold. You, alone, do not have all the answers.

When you reach the ability to believe this, you can release the mental chains that pull you down and begin to embrace the freedom found in abundance. Abundance comes from self-love, and I don't believe you can have self-love without your higher power living within your heart. I really don't. I don't define that for anyone other than myself, but that's my belief for me, for how I expect to achieve success.

It's a worthy endeavor to seek personal development and improvement in our lives. But it requires a reminder. Just as a business needs to reevaluate its performance, so, too, does the individual. To hold yourself accountable requires something to remind you of what you're seeking to achieve. My bike did that for me...and still does to this day. Every time I ride, I remember what I've learned about myself. I remember how I expect myself to behave. I remember who I am at my core. But I don't have to ride to be able to go through the letters one at at a time:

B--Who am I when I'm being my Best self?
I--How deep do I need to go for that Inner strength today?
K--Am I listening, am I in tune with my feelings, have I connected with those Killer instincts?
E--Have I spoken up, reached out, asked for help by using my Expressive voice?

The bike I rode became the BIKE in my head. Every time I'm now faced with a new challenge, my special brand of BIKE acts a reminder for me to connect with my core being so that I respond in ways that move me forward. It allows me to be the person I know I was meant to be. It's there for me whenever I need it. I don't have to ride to find it now. It's there, with me, always. It's the spiritual navigation tool that leads me to live a life that I deserve.

Isn't that the best reason to ride a bike?

The truth about suicide

Last night, I attended the memorial for my friend Micki. It's been more than a month now that my friend, who was in deep mental anguish, shot herself. Her daughter planned and organized a very special memorial--with video footage and heartfelt words--with the help of at least a dozen of her own friends. And it was the most amazing service I've ever seen.

It reminded me of a trip I took not long ago to tour the historic inn in Winslow, Ariz., called La Posada. The new owners, who are refurbishing the place and rebuilding it to its original concept, are artists. But they're also adding their artistic flair to the decor. Included in that flair is a mural-sized painting by one of the owners, Tina Mion, that hangs inside the ballroom. Called, “A New Years Eve Party in Purgatory for Suicides," the subject of the painting is obvious. Everyone painted in the scene have killed themselves in one way or another. And they are all seated at tables. There are famous people, celebrities, and friends of the artist. I wish I had more details, but I don't recall the artist's exact words as she was relating the story behind the painting, which could be considered rather macabre. It doesn't have to be. It's really quite fascinating, and its impact is huge. It really makes you think. As the artist herself was explaining the reason behind the large painting and why it was hanging so visibly in the ballroom of the hotel, she said her reasons had to do with the fact that people do not discuss suicide. They ignore it. They pretend it doesn't exist. People can hardly say the word out loud. Mion's painting suggests suicide needs to be discussed, that though it may never fully be understood, healing still needs to occur. For that to happen, suicide needs to be spoken about. So the painting was there to make that statement. It's a powerful statement. And I've remembered it.

I didn't think I'd need it, though.

Not till my friend committed suicide.

At her memorial, when Kristin began to speak about Micki and share her mother's pain--in all it's ugliness--she did not stop short at the word. She stated it matter-of-factly, "My mother killed herself." She shared with us her own pain in trying to accept this fact. She shared with us her fear, her anger, her many other facets of feeling as she's been learning how to cope with the magnitude of the reason behind her mother's death. She even said she's wondered if she could have stopped the suicide. And then she let us know she didn't believe she could have. She knew she didn't have that kind of power. And she cried.

We cried, too.

Surprisingly enough, no one seemed to recoil at this young girl's brave words. What I felt was positive energy. In that room, I could feel the urges to jump up there and hug this young woman who is so clearly in pain herself.

I have never been so moved.

I ask you, my readers, to pray for Kristin as she steps forward in this new life without the only parent she ever knew. I ask you to pray for her continued strength, and that you ask that she also find relief from that strength. I ask that you pray for her in all ways you think someone in her place can use the assistance. And I ask you to not be afraid to speak of suicide if it should happen to anyone you know in your life.

The truth about suicide is that it's painful, it's ugly, it's raw. The truth about suicide is that it's whatever you think it is. And further, the truth is that we may not be able to stop it, but we can certainly work at trying. Ignoring it won't make it go away. Pretending it doesn't exist won't make it stop. But allowing those who are experiencing suicide, as ones who are left behind, to speak about it freely and candidly will help them heal. Let us all be a part of that healing.

All my best,
Jackie

Favorite books for personal growth

This list represents books I've read once or twice, sometimes more. They helped me tremendously during my early mental--and physical--rides. They still do. And it's a lengthy list. Of course, it took me several years to read them and do the work that some require. But these are my favorites. I've read many, many more. But these, for me, touch on the important points of emotional, physical, spiritual, and even sexual growth. We're aiming for balance in all four areas of life.

Pick and choose what works for you. Create your own list. Add to this one. Substract from it. Let your Killer instincts--your most honest and tuned-in gut reaction--lead the way. But if you don't know where to start, here are several good bets:

A Gentle Path through the Twelve Steps (for all people in the process of recovery) by Patrick Carnes, Ph.D.

A Year by the Sea by Joan Anderson

Believe in the God Who Believes in You by Robert H. Schuller

Boundaries and Relationships by Charles L. Whitfield, M.D.

Callings: Finding and Following an Authentic Life by Gregg Levoy

Choices by Shad Helmstetter

Codependent No More by Melody Beattie

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...and it's all small stuff by Richard Carlson, Ph.D.

Feel the Fear And Do it Anyway by Susan Jeffers, Ph.D.

Life Application Study Bible: New Living Translation

Man's Search for Meaning by Victor E. Frankl

The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

The Power of Focus for Women by Fran Hewitt & Les Hewitt

The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren

The War of Art by Steven Pressfield

"You've Got a Friend"

That's the name of the song that I was referring to..."You've Got a Friend." Can you hear the words in your head? As a child, I think it was Dionne Warwick I heard sing that song on the radio. I remember singing it at my eighth grade graduation. It marked a new beginning.

Music has a way of lifting us up in our darkest hour, doesn't it? It also can turn the tears on, if the right song appears at just the right moment. We connect with the sounds, the words, the harmony. There are certain songs that I bet you'll never forget, songs that evoke very specific memories. Music as a healing mechanism works very well for this reason. It helps you connect thoughts to feelings so that you can release energy that needs to be let go.

During your rides, I imagine you might have tapped into some music from your past. A song may sit in the subconscious, just waiting to be released at the perfect moment, to provide the needed comfort.

Our bodies really do know what we need to nurture it. The key is to tune in and be willing to listen.

Let that be the thought that carries you into your weekend.

We'll talk more next week.
~Jackie