Motivation for Mondays: The Artist's Way check-in for week 6

So if last week wasn't stressful enough, this one topped it. My own progress here has been stifled by my dog's poor health. Last night, I made the painful decision "put my dog down," as they say.

Euthanasia. That's the word that had been pummeling around in my mind for the past two weeks, since my dog experienced her latest bout of cluster seizures. Yesterday, when she experienced yet another, and even before that -- because she warned me what was coming with her labored breathing -- I knew I'd be taking her in to see the vet again, the vet specialist. And I suspected I'd be making this heavy decision very soon.

What I didn't expect was the latest diagnosis?

"Were you aware that Clooney has heart problems?"

I said I was. "She has a heart murmur. Yes, I know."

"Yes, because of that, it seems her seizures may have brought about heart failure. We believe Clooney is experiencing heart failure. That's why she's been having trouble breathing. The fluid in her lungs is the result of that."

The vet went on to explain how blood travels through the body, which way it's supposed to go, what happens when a heart murmur interferes with that, how Clooney's heart had been working way past overtime to try to keep up, and on and on. I tuned most of that out. I just heard: Seizures. Fluid in her lungs. And now heart failure!

You can imagine why I'd have to finally realize I need to come to terms with something: My dog IS going to die. Either I let her go peacefully, or she continues to suffer. When you look at a precious life that way, the decision is already made.

So, I rounded up support -- my boyfriend, my daughter, my pet sitter who has become the surrogate mom for Clooney. We all went to the vet clinic together, and we all said goodbye to my pet. And we all watched her peacefully slip away. It was very fast, seemingly pain-free, and I think she was ready. Before her final minutes, when we were still hanging out with her in the patient's room, she had yet another seizure, albeit a small one, leaving a puddle of pee on the floor because she'd lost control of her bladder. It was as if she was telling me something I already knew. She was ready.

I took her for one last walk in the parking lot. She didn't really seem to be there, or know why she was there. She was moving back and forth, not going anywhere. But it was something she loved to do, and the vet suggested it might be a good idea for me. This was Clooney's life: Walk. Eat. Sleep. Walk. Eat. Snack. Sleep. Some playtime in between. Her favorite things. Oh, and eat some more.

That dog could put away the food, up until her very last day. The morning of the final seizure that had me placing her on the beach towel, the one I used to dry her off after her bath, on our final road trip to the vet, she had had no problem eating. She took her medicine easily, especially since it came with a big slice of banana, and she ate her breakfast -- in seconds, as always. You'd never know she was as ill as she was. You just wouldn't suspect it...

Until a few hours later when she came hunting me down, trying to get my attention. I was upstairs looking for a photograph I needed for an essay I was writing. And there she was, out of breath -- or having a hard time breathing. I told her I'd be right there. She left to go lay in the sun but couldn't get comfortable and came to me, scratching at my leg, trying to get my attention again.

She was experiencing the beginning of what would have been very painful heart failure -- a slow death. I didn't know that then, but I knew she was not feeling well. I picked her up and took her downstairs with me and laid her in the hallway, cupping her furry face in my hands, telling her, "I think you need to go to the vet. But Mommy has to get dressed first." I left her there while I dressed in the other room, and must have gotten up, because then I heard her collapse seconds later. She was near the front door. When I reached her, she was in the middle of a seizure that left her screaming for help. She'd had so many of them by now, and there was nothing I cold do. I was used to those. But her breathing. I could tell it was so difficult for her. I watched her rib cage move in and out, pushing her body so far away from itself that I thought she might explode. I waited for her to recover enough that I could give her another dose of Phenylbarbitol -- the drug I was told to give her more of should she seize again.

I then called the vet and let them know I was bringing Clooney in. They were ready when we arrived. It would be hours later, after they'd had time to examine her, do more x-rays, and get her comfortable, when I'd be told that she was in heart failure mode. At that point, I knew what I would have to do. But I wanted someone to tell me. I wanted to be sure.

You can never be sure. You just have to do what Cameron discusses this week in Chapter 7: Trust your intuition. You just have to take some risks in life. Last night, I did that. And now I believe my dog is at peace.

What does this have to do with The Artist's Way? Not much, other than this is what I've been coping with this week. And that is why I've barely written a single sentence of Morning Pages. And I only had my Artist Date because I was out of town on a shortened visit for an assignment to write about Civil Rights. So I guess you could say I lucked into that.

So this will not be the week that I motivate you. It was not the week that Cameron motivated me. It will be known as the week I survived the death of my dog. And that's pretty much it. Chapter 6 discusses Recovering a Sense of Abundance. And I did experience that on an assignment level this past week. One of my editors sent me 4 assignments in one day. But that's hardly anything I care about right now.

In Chapter 7, which maybe you've read by now, the focus is on Connection. What an appropriate topic for me this week -- a little serendipity there -- as I am reminded of how our connections with our pets can sometimes supersede our relationships with our human companions.

In the weeks ahead, it will be a challenge for me to focus on those assignments I was given. I will be missing my dog. These will be the days that I notice she is no longer sitting at my feet, underneath my desk as I type. She will no longer jump up and paw on my lap to get me to let her outside for a potty break. She will no longer escape the front door and run down the street to our friend who watches her when I am out of town. She knows exactly how to get there and will go there, if given the chance, as it's there that she gets to socialize with her other doggy friends. But she will no longer do that. And she will no longer be waiting at the door for me when I return home from a hike or a meeting or a bike ride. She will no longer jump in the shower after me so she can lick the shower floor. When she was younger, she'd lick my legs dry first. Funny dog. And she won't be there wagging her tail when I open the pantry door because she thinks she's getting a treat. She always got the treat. But I won't be buying doggie treats anymore. These are things I will be thinking about in the weeks ahead. Probably not too much about what Cameron has to say, though I will continue the reading and do the work as best I can. And I will post here. I will go through the motions, because I'll probably need it. Please continue to post your own thoughts so we can keep the dialogue going. I'll probably surprise myself with how much happens, because, life will still go on for me.

I will not be getting another dog, so don't ask. Clooney was an unexpected guest, the pet someone else had tossed away. She'd been a street dog when she was put into our backyard more than 11 years ago. We had a good life together. She was fun. She was obnoxious. She was sometimes aggressive. Okay. A lot of times. She was feisty. And when my divorce happened, I got custody of her. She was a very true companion during some very difficult days of my life. She experienced anxiety when I did. She was happy when I was--and even when I wasn't. She slept with me. She ate some things she wasn't supposed to eat. She dragged in mud when I'd rather she didn't. She once brought a few dead birds into the house. Ewwww. She signed the wet concrete slab I mixed and poured to hold an outdoor water fountain with her paw prints. She was always there, waiting for hugs and kisses and loved to be held. She was a pretty faithful companion, and I'm certain she won't be replaced. I've no need. Because of my traveling schedule, it wasn't always easy to leave her, especially in these last months. And it was often quite expensive. So, no new dog for me. I'll spend my extra time with my grandbabies now, because that's what I've been told I'll do. :-)

And, today, despite my intense desire to go curl up in my bed and hug a doggie toy, I have a deadline to meet.

I hope your day and week gets off to a much better start. Keep progressing. There's no good reason not to.

(Photo of Clooney above was taken two days ago at my neighbor's house; we both knew it might be the last)

Motivation for Mondays is a part of a weekly Twitter party called #MotivatedMondays initiated by Lorrie Shaw, a professional pet sitter, a regular pets contributor at annarbor.com, and pet blogger in Dexter Township, MI. Together, we post a combination of inspirational notes, links to motivational blog posts, and tips to help kickstart your week ahead. Look for us online every Monday morning--and throughout the day--if you need to kick start your week or want to share your own motivational thoughts.

Motivated Mondays: The Artist's Way check-in for week 5

Whew! Was it ever a busy week during week 5. We're now on Chapter 6, at the halfway point. Pat yourselves on the back that you've made it thus far. If you have catching up to do. No worries. Catch up. There is no judgment working on the Artist's Way. We all move to the beat of a different drummer, but we do want to stay on some kind of beat. So keep pounding the animal skin. Don't set it down because you're worried that you just can't get the rhythm. Of course you can, and you will. Just keep reading.

Last week, in chapter 5, we read about possibilities. This week's it's all about abundance. These are good things, folks. We're talking opportunity to excel, at whatever level you happen to be on. If you keep moving, you're going to go forward. So just trust in that spiritual force that's driving you and you have no idea how. Just trust in it, and keep your eyes open for what's next.

Despite the set back in my schedule that I experienced because of an illness my dog experienced. (She had a cluster of seizures but is doing well now), I still managed to get through the week with a few successes bagged -- and several possibilities for the future. Not a whole lot that was definitive, but I've learned long ago to see the beauty in a possibility. I encourage you to do the same.

The Morning Pages and the Artist's Date, and even the exercises, took a back seat in my house. But I did manage to read chapter 6 on Sunday morning. I'll be off on an assignment for most of this next week and have a deadline at the start of next week, so I'm not sure what will happen with TAW on my end. I choose to believe I'll get done what I get done and be perfectly okay with that.

I am seeing progress. And from the notes in my book, I've seeing growth. I wrote at the top of chapter 6 in 2004 that I hoped to be able to get out 3 queries by the end of that week. That was all I could even consider managing then. Now, three queries is a daily goal. I've since embraced the idea of abundance. And even money issues I once had no longer exist. I see the world as ready to give, and I am ready to accept.

Now, to be sure, I don't feel this way every day. I have my days where I'm not that optimistic. But my overall expectation is pretty high, and I choose to focus on the overall, rather than the once in a while.

I also realize that I am actually quite good and indulging myself. I am more apt to do that than not. I rarely argue with myself about cost. I always believe I'll make it up or replace it. I have gotten pretty good about not worrying too much about money. That is not to say I don't want to earn more of it, that I don't get frustrated from time to time that I seem to have to work extra hard for it. I'm okay with that as well, as I've chosen a career path I enjoy. So work is just not anything I dread. I love the work I do. What I would love more is to put out more of it.

And that follows what Julia Cameron says we should do: I will take care of the quantity and let God take care of the quality. So I know there is always more I can do. God gave me the talent; it is my job to use it to the best of my ability.

Anyway, those are the thoughts that I'm having at this point in our work with The Artist's Way.

Please post your own comments, and trust that I'll return the dialogue when my schedule permits. It's going to be another busy week for me.

Have a great one yourself!


Motivation for Mondays is a part of a weekly Twitter party called #MotivatedMondays initiated by Lorrie Shaw, a professional pet sitter, a regular pets contributor at annarbor.com, and pet blogger in Dexter Township, MI. Together, we post a combination of inspirational notes, links to motivational blog posts, and tips to help kickstart your week ahead. Look for us online every Monday morning--and throughout the day--if you need to kick start your week or want to share your own motivational thoughts.

Motivated Mondays: The Artist's Way check-in for week 4

A very busy week led to less participation in The Artist's Way this past week. I didn't do as many of the exercises or write as many mornings as I thought I would. I managed to do four or five of the exercises and write the Morning Pages 4 times. I wasn't feeling anxious about that at all. It's just the way my schedule worked out.

The chapter, "Recovering a Sense of Integrity," hit home, though. Sometimes, I find myself agreeing to do something that I don't have time for, or I'll not fully commit (because I'm already over-committed) and leave people hanging, until I can supply a definitive response. I let my schedule manipulate me. This is a pattern of behavior I've moved in and out of, and I need to take better charge of that. I'll try to rationalize with myself, when what I really need to do is pay attention to what people are asking of me, take time to consider it, and then respond appropriately as soon as possible. Don Miguel Ruiz talks about this in his book, The Four Agreements. One of the agreements we need to make with ourselves is to speak with integrity. It's not possible for me to do all things and be all things. I need to be okay with that. So this chapter convicted me. Ouch. Any convictions on your end?

I was also struck by the idea behind clarity and what might happen during the process of writing the Morning Pages. You might arrive at a challenge that you don't want to deal with but realize you probably must. That's happened to me so many times.

And I liked coming across the word kriya again. I've experienced those cries many times. Not lately, thankfully. But many times in my past. "Enough!" We should listen to those inner cries, those kriyas. They mean something valuable. If we don't listen, we'll stay stuck in negative patterns of behavior. Most of the time, it takes little more than awareness to fix that.

I did experience an epiphany: I enjoy writing about arts-related topics but haven't pitched anything like that till last week. I also discovered that I like to include notes from the chapter readings in my Morning Pages. While I'm reading, I jot down notes, things I want to remember, quotes I like, passages in the book that stand out to me, for instance, this one:

Until we experience the freedom of solitude, we cannot connect authentically.

This is so key to my B.I.K.E. work here. This is why I rode my mountain bike to move past the difficult days of my divorce. While I'm hiking a lot these days, and walking with a girlfriend in the mornings, I'm not taking those solo rides as much. It's time to get back on the bike. So many good things happen from the seat of my bike. I do miss it. That was another realization that occurred to me this past week.

I'm not that heavily into the sorting out mode yet. But I know that's coming. It always does when I read this book. But I have definitely been experiencing bursts of energy, and I'm using them to market myself, with more focused direction.

I did the exercise where you're to pick five things you'd like to try, and I chose the following:

1) Enter a mountain bike race.
2) Try water skiing again.
3) Learn how to ski moguls.
4) Learn how to fly a plane.
5) Ride my unicycle.

Funny, but these are not things I think about, other than the last one -- and that's because I have a unicycle sitting in a corner of my office I need to learn how to ride. At least that is do-able. In fact, I circled it on my notes. Telling me something???

I did not do the reading deprivation. In fact, I wrote in my notes that I wouldn't. The point of that exercise is to open space for other things. But I do other things, have been highly focused on it, in fact, and felt this was not an exercise I could do right now. What this exercise should ask of me is to eliminate social media from my life for a week. I can see how that would open up space in my life.

Of all the exercises, I enjoyed writing the Artist's Prayer the most. Mine was a few lines longer than the one in the book. But I really enjoyed taking a few moments and considering what I need and asking for it. I liked being reminded that I am an instrument, that my talents and skills are not mine alone, that I have a purpose, and that through this process I will move closer and closer to it, with God's help and guidance. Please do not be offended by my use of His name. That is my belief. I will not shun yours, nor judge your thoughts about religion or spirituality. But I do believe, and that's just that.

I also wrote out Exercise #9 -- one situation that I need to change but haven't. It's my house. It's a mess. I need it organized. I need things repaired. She asked us to consider the payoff for not taking care of this. There isn't one, I wrote. So I am determined to hire help, because I am having a hard time accepting I cannot do it alone. Argghhh! But, because this is what I've been thinking about, a little serendipity occurred this week also, when a friend of mine called with the name of a woman who can use extra money and could help me get organized. Very convenient, don't you think?

Other breakthroughs this week: book ideas. I had a few and pitched queries, which were approved. So now I'll work on the proposals. I declared I need to sell another 500 books to meet my advance, and I got a call from Costco to set up two book signings. And I just feel an overall sense of clarity beginning to mature.

I hope you are all experiencing something equally as powerful in your Artist's Way work. Please be sure to comment about it here.

Motivation for Mondays is a part of a weekly Twitter party called #MotivatedMondays initiated by Lorrie Shaw, a professional pet sitter, a regular pets contributor at annarbor.com, and pet blogger in Dexter Township, MI. Together, we post a combination of inspirational notes, links to motivational blog posts, and tips to help kickstart your week ahead. Look for us online every Monday morning--and throughout the day--if you need to kick start your week or want to share your own motivational thoughts.

SUNDAY MUSINGS: Facts about rainbows

According to the National Center for Atmospheric Research, the spectacular light show that is called a rainbow is really sunlight spread out into its full spectrum of colors, diverted to the eye by water droplets.

Although Sir Isaac Newton is said to have discovered seven distinctive colors found in a rainbow, there are an infinite number of colors in the full spectrum. Most of the colors are not visible to the human eye.

Since you must have both rain and sunlight in order to see a rainbow, and the sun must always be behind you when you witness one, it's not likely you'll ever see a rainbow at noon.

If it weren't for the earth getting in the way, you'd see the full circle of a rainbow.

No two people standing next to each other will see the exact same rainbow. For one thing, the person standing next to you, for example, will see light refracted off of different raindrops at a different angle. And second, different people simply see color differently.

NO MORE SUICIDES: Practical solutions to stop bullies in their tracks

Over at Parent Talk Today, Stacy Lipson tells her story in a guest post of being bullied as a young girl, and how long the bullying lasted -- till she was 16.

As yet another news story breaks about yet another child who kills himself because he's been bullied to death already, more and more stories like Stacy's are coming out of the woodwork. I would guess most everyone has known someone or seen someone get bullied, either in youth or even in adulthood. Bullies, it seems, can continue the pattern as long as they can get away with it.

Ironically, it's the bully who has the self-esteem issue in the first place. To make himself feel better, he has to make someone else feel bad. Some people are easy targets. And if you've ever been that easy target, then you know how hurtful and painful being bullied can be.

I have a few solutions that should go to market right away:

How about a BULLIES BE GONE spray? Anyone who is bullied would be issued a FREE can of this special spray to be used immediately upon the first sign of teasing. The person about to be teased would simply take out the can, point, spray -- and the bully gets it. Ingredients in the bottle or can could smell like a skunk, for instance, or freshly deposited dog crap, vomit, or any other awful scent (your choice) that would send the bully on his way. The nurse's office at school would have a supply of them on hand at all times, as needed. Bullies wouldn't be able to access the spray, however, because it would come with Bully Detecting Radar. At the mere touch, an alarm would sound, scaring the bully off and alerting school officials of his thwarted attempt to access the spray.

Or how about selling NO BULLIES ALLOWED t-shirts? Proceeds would benefit non-profits that promote REQUIRED parenting classes that teach parents how to detect if they have a bully child at home or if their child is being bullied outside of the home.

And how about those REQUIRED PARENTING CLASSES? Your child would not be able to advance to the next grade level, beginning in kindergarten, unless you've taken and passed the course. Classwork could be developed that would focus on each grade level, the type of bullying that might be seen in that grade level, and what parents need to do to protect their children from either situation. Because as we know, this kind of behavior begins at home. Therefore, the classes would also address any parenting issues that might affect a child's behavior and lead to bullying. Not only would the classes educate, but they may also act as a deterrent and help create a new culture that does not accept bullying behavior.

Finally, as the sign above says, we need to create NO BULLY ZONES. Wherever bullying occurs, we need to post the NO BULLY ZONE sign. Post them on sides of school buildings, in the playground, on playground equipment, in hallways, in the lunchroom or cafeteria, at daycare centers, in the grocery store, on the doors of kids' bedrooms, or wherever else bullying occurs, up goes a sign.

If you have a solution you'd like to share, post a comment below. It's time to take a stand against the schoolyard bully to keep the bullies out of the workplace later.

And maybe save a life.

Because we don't want to have to create more suicide prevention programs. Enough is enough, don't you think?