Do men care about connection?

I think the worst thing in the world is to be disconnected from yourself and your environment. ~Venus Nicolino in "LA Shrinks" on Bravo TV

The second I posted this quote on my Facebook page today, I was surprised to see two immediate "Likes." Why? Because they were posted by men. So, happily surprised would more closely match how I felt. Reason being: I don't always think of men in this way. In past personal relationships with male partners, half the time I haven't felt like they even understand the word, let alone agree that it's important.

If they have been connected, it's been with their jobs or their cars or their drinking buddies, but not to me or to our environment. At least, not all the time. I'd more likely noticed a disconnect.

So this was a heartening revelation to me. It reminds me to let go of gender biases. It's just like my boyfriend tells me, "I don't speak for all men. And they don't speak for me." Men, in general, are no different than women. They feel, think and believe just as women feel, think and believe. Maybe not in the exact same way, but, clearly -- I've been enlightened -- they do care about connection.

When I posted that quote this morning, I must admit, I was expecting my girlfriends to agree, but I wasn't thinking my guy friends would care one way or the other -- or notice the quote at all.

If the worst thing in the world is to be disconnected from yourself and your environment, a reverse quote might read that the best thing in the world is to disconnect from your biases. At least, that's what happened to me this morning. I have been schooled. So, thanks guys. And I mean that literally. 

Read anything good lately?

Finding your way in life is a journey not meant only for yourself. We're here to live life with others, in the spirit of togetherness.

In business, a manager might call that teamwork.

Six months ago I spoke to a community college president for an article I was working on; it was actually an assignment to write short profiles of six or seven successful women involved in Arizona public policy. This particular woman told me during our phone visit that she gave assigned reading to her employees, but not just any reading. She assigned them the current best-selling business books to read, and then they met to discuss what they learned so they could apply the principals to their work. This was only the second time I'd heard of a college president doing that. From our conversation, I learned that she also understood we are meant to work together for the good of all. That's what really makes us successful. Her story inspired me.

In my life, I've known many people who did not seem to understand this concept.

How many times, for instance, have you seen a couple at a restaurant, a nice restaurant even, not say a single word to each other as they waited for their meals to arrive. And then afterwards, while waiting for the bill, they still said nothing! I've observed this many times. And the sad looks I've seen on some of these faces usually said it all. I've often wondered why communication seems so difficult. It doesn't have to be, particularly not with those people in our lives, our loved ones or co-workers, who rely on us. If we chose to say what needs to be said and choose to allow this from others -- without judgment -- that decision can lead to more meaningful relationships all the way around.

If you're in need of learning how to take care of yourself in this way, by speaking up when you need to, I recommend reading The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. Even if you don't agree with the spiritual nature of the story behind his lessons, you'll likely agree with the lessons themselves: be impeccable with your word; don't take anything personally; don't make assumptions; always do your best.

Finding your mental BIKE requires this kind of input, and awareness is key to the knowing. Your mental BIKE rides, when taken daily, will lead you not only to where you really are in your head but also to where you really want to be.

All my best,
Jackie