Reasons to ride a bicycle: Reason #2

Yesterday, I wrote about one good reason to ride a bike: for the challenge. You will test your limits. You will see growth as it occurs. And that brings me to the next reason to ride a bike.

Reason #2: You'll find awareness.

From the seat of my bike, I learned that awareness is key to all growth, and that a bike can act as the vehicle that attracts this awareness. As I rode, I had to pay attention . I learned to tune into my surroundings. If I didn't do that, I could have gotten hit by a car, run a stop sign, or driven off into a ditch.

And I had to be prepared for this awareness to occur. I had to keep my eyes and ears open. I had to observe. I had to listen. Since there were no distractions, other than what was going on outside of me, it forced me to let go of what was going on inside.

Or, if I wanted to pay attention to that, then I could actually hear my own self-talk, maybe for the first time. In the beginning, what I heard were garbled negative messages. "He's going to leave me. We're going to get divorced. No, maybe we won't. What will I do if we do?" The messages went on and on like that. I realized I was focused on fear, which got me nowhere. My rides were shorter at that time.

From the seat of my bike, however, as I added on the miles, I learned to let go of that nonsense. What did it matter what he was going to do? He cheated--and not just once, but repeatedly. No one deserves that. I didn't deserve that. So I learned to focus not on what he said we'd do--We'll work it out, he'd once told me--but rather what he was actually doing--He left. And then I learned to let him go and focus on me, instead.

That was difficult to do. It took lots and lots of meetings with my therapist and many, many conversations with other people for me to realize what I needed to do for me. I'd put my faith in this man, in the ideal picture that he painted for me of our family. But he lied. He hadn't earned my trust.

And though I felt as though I was losing a lot, I learned to pay attention to how I felt inside and to be okay with those feelings. Of course, I was losing something. But I gained something I didn't even realize I'd lost--my life. Where, in the beginning, I felt like little more than a shell of a woman, now I was beginning to refill that shell--one part of me at time. And those parts involved accepting how I really felt about what was happening to me. I learned to become aware of what it felt like to feel sadness, fear, anger, the miniscule amounts of joy that would seep in every now and then. I learned to cry for myself, for the little girl inside of me, for the loss of what once was. And I learned to embrace what was happening now.

If I felt anger, I learned not to be so quick to shut it aside. I started listening to it and to access where it came from. Was it because of something he said or did? Was it because of something I said or did? Was it because I was acting out of spite or behaving too timidly? I learned to consider my motives before taking action or responding to requests. I learned to trust that my response would be appropriate for me.

I also realized that I had to stay ahead of the game we were now playing. Even though I didn't like this game--I hadn't asked to play it, and I certainly didn't know all the rules--I learned to trust that I'd know what to do when it was my turn to move. I began to pay attention to my own intelligence.

My bike rides gave me the time I needed to consider my options. They also taught me just how important awareness is to who we are at our core. The rides allowed me to forget trusting him and learn to trust myself. The time on my bike taught me to be cautious and led me to reconnect with my instincts in ways I never had before. I had not learned how to pay attention to my gut, because my childhood had not prepared me for that.

I learned this important skill while riding my bike.

If you think you could benefit from learning how to pay attention, to become aware, to listen to what your mind, body and soul tells you, it might be a good idea to get a bike. You can transfer what you need to do for survival on the seat of your bike into what you need to do to survive your life at home or at work. That's what I did, and it saved my life.

Don't you think that's a good reason to ride a bike?

Awareness is key

I'm out of town this week, doing research for my travel guide. So I'll be posting a few quick thoughts to help you consider how you're handling your own challenges these days.

One thing I'd like to point out that occured to me during my bike rides--and it was something that I learned later to apply to other areas in my life--was the need to be aware. I believe I've mentioned this before, but riding a bike on a street that carries a lot of traffic meant I had to pay careful attention if I wanted to arrive back home safely.

There were several times where I could have easily gotten clipped by a car that pulled out too far past a stop sign and didn't see me. It's a bit jarring, to say the least, to see a big truck, for instance, coming at you full speed and you're just on a skimpy little mountain bike. Even though I do wear a helmit, I wouldn't be so sure that would save my life. So I learned quickly that when I'm riding anywhere near traffic I do need to pay attention. In certain circumstances, I may have the right of way, but it won't matter if the driver in a car is speeding, can't slow down soon enough, or doesn't see me coming. It was easy for me to see that I really needed to be responsible for my own life. I couldn't exactly expect someone else to do that for me.

It's like that in a relationship as well. If it turns sour, you may not see it coming, but if you're paying attention, the odds are that you will. You might even be able to turn the situation around if you catch it in time. But if you can't turn it around and right the relationship, at least you can save yourself. If you know what's coming--and you don't ignore it--you'll be better prepared to handle what comes next. That is, if you pay attention.

Learning to become aware is about developing that sixth sense, your intuition.

So here's a question for you to think about as you begin a new week:

Can you think of a time when you felt that something wasn't going quite right in your life, you didn't know exactly what it was, but you were aware--what did you do about it? If you ignored it at first, did the feeling coming back? What happened then? If you can come up with several instances of awareness, journaling about them might help you begin to see a pattern. What you don't want to see is a pattern, for example, that illustrates that you tend to ignore problems even when you're aware of them.

This was an issue I had to work on with my therapist. I wasn't aware I ignored my problems in the hopes they'd go away, or that they'd correct themselves over time. I wasn't aware I was doing that, but I was. And problems don't just go away. They generally just get worse...until there's no turning back or you reach that dead end.

Awareness is key to solving many of our personal challenges. I'll say this again and again, because it's that important. If you think you have an issue with this, don't hesitate for a second to call a counselor. A good one will help you correct this behavior pattern. Sometimes, all it takes is becoming aware that you're not aware.

All my best,
Jackie

The disappearing act -- it could be a good thing

Well, I did it again. I got busy with life and work and endless other things and disappeared on you.

If you've never felt the need to escape from an obligation, or from anything that's going on in your life--good or bad--I'd be surprised. That's what happened to me. I needed to eliminate one thing off my list of things to do. The blog just happened to be that one thing I knew I could let go for a while. I've always known I'd come back here, but I needed to take a break so I could take care of business.

That means I've been doing other BIKE-related work, instead. I've been working on my BIKE Lessons class, for one thing. I began teaching the BIKE philosophy to women at a homeless shelter this week. I'm excited to report that they really get it, and they'll be coming back next week to learn more. They don't have to; it's their choice, and I'm happy to accommodate them. I'll be working with them for four weeks, offering them an opportunity to choose to learn about a new tool they can use in their recovery. What they learn in my class will help make their life transition less stressful and hopefully more productive. As always, the BIKE is about forward movement.

When you feel the need to escape or to set something aside for awhile, it's important to listen to that feeling or that need. It may come from fear. It may come from doubt. It may come from stress. Wherever it originates, I've learned that it's okay to "disappear" for a while. I'm not talking about abandoning responsibilities or family or anything drastic like that. I'm referring to the recognition that you may not be able to do all things all at once, or all the time. Perhaps your work has been derailed by something you have no control over, and because of that, you may not have it in you this week or this month--or this year--to be all things to all people.

There are times when you simply don't have it in you to cope. When you feel that kind of pressure, it is time to step back and reconsider where your attention needs to be. My guess is that it probably needs to be on you.

You probably need down time.

You can choose to take a break, go on a vacation, find a quiet place to reflect or feel what you're feeling, or even change jobs if that's what it takes to feel balanced and whole again.

I encourage you to listen to what your body, your reactions, or your feelings are trying to tell you. Don't ignore your gut instinct. Your needs will make themselves known somehow. Just listen for them. Then, take a step forward and do one thing that turns your attention back towards you.

When you pay attention soon enough, you'll see your disappearing act from others unfold in a gentle manner. And then, when it's time, you'll find yourself easing back into your regularly scheduled program.

That's what happened to me. And it may happen again, because in the coming weeks, I begin work on my very first book. It's a travel guide called Backroads & Byways of Arizona. Countryman Press will publish it in the spring of 2009. I'm very excited about the project. I'm thrilled I have the opportunity to work on it. But it will be getting in the way of my work here. The BIKE may again slow down. I urge you to be gentle with me, be gentle with yourself, and keep riding anyway.

I know I will be.

All my best,
Jackie