“Often we can achieve an even better result when we stumble yet are willing to start over, when we don't give up after a mistake, when something doesn't come easily but we throw ourselves into trying, when we're not afraid to appear less than perfectly polished..."
Such a powerful quote. It's from Sharon Salzberg, an author and meditation expert who practices loving kindness. That's another way to refer to self-compassion. We don't do it enough. Today, I ask you to be willing to start over. Be willing to forgive yourself and others (even if you're not able to do that in person) of the mistakes we make. Be willing to try again. Be willing to be less than perfect. Be willing to let yourself have as many do-overs as it takes. I'm just asking. ~Jackie
Showing posts with label meditation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label meditation. Show all posts
Friday, June 13, 2008
How many do-overs does it take?
Monday, May 5, 2008
From yardwork to yardsticks
Momentum and pruning shears. What do the two have to do with each other?
Yardwork that might involve pruning bushes, mowing the lawn, or planting a flower bed is meditative work. It allows you time to just be. And giving yourself time to "just be" is good for your mental state of mind. You may not even realize how much your body craves down time. We spend too much time as it is worrying, thinking, obsessing about work, what to feed the kids for dinner, or that bathroom sink that seems to have a leak but will have to wait till next month to fix. Maybe you can see why down time is a precious commodity that is important to fit in as much as possible, especially when you think there's no time. If you look, you'll find it.
I just wrote yesterday about meditating, and I'm speaking of meditating again for good reason. Like yoga, which requires focus in order to maintain a pose, yardwork requires focus as well. If you didn't focus on what you were doing outside, you'd be like me and stab a pair of pruning shears in your arm--on accident, of course. Ouch! Or, you might even push the lawn mover right over your electric cord and have to end what could have been a very productive afternoon. Bummer.
All joking aside, I've chosen not to hire a landscape company to come and take care of my yard because I enjoy the process and the ability to give myself the time to do the work myself. On yardwork weekends, I get to spend time outside mowing the lawn and then adding fertilizer so the grass will grow as green as it can. I get to trim back the bushes--one of them is particularly unruly and requires a lot of patience--and decide which plants will go in what pots. I then spend time raking and sweeping up the resulting debris.
I particularly enjoy the moments where I have to sit on the ground around a ridiculously large pile of twigs and leaves from that unruly bush--a 20-year-old bougainvillea--and chop up the thorny mess into smaller pieces so I can stuff them into the garbage bag for trash day. I enjoy doing that because I'm outside, I get to chat with my neighbors who happen to walk by with their dogs while I'm doing the work. Sometimes, they even offer to help, and sometimes I let them. For me, yardwork is just generally a very relaxing way to spend a hot afternoon underneath Arizona's mid-day sun. Depending on how much yardwork I have to do--sometimes I have to skip a few weeks if I'm really busy with work--it can take me an entire day.
But it's a day well spent, and I love it.
It gives me time to consider what's going on in my life. And when the meditation is at its highest level, I won't have a single thing on my mind other than the moment I'm in. I might hear the sound of the clippers breaking through the bark, or maybe I'll notice the smell of my fresh cut lawn. Before I know it, my work will be done, and I can put all the equipment back into the garage and go take a hot shower.
I love the way I feel after a hard day's work like that. I may be bone-tired, but my mind always feels refreshed and invigorated, and I know I've earned a dinner out. I always go out to eat--either by myself or with friends--on yard days.
And the momentum I'm talking about? That has to do with the fact that I feel like I'm getting somewhere on yard days. I've made things happen. I've found a little bit of success in a week where I might not have had any otherwise. It symbolizes progress for me, and that means I know I'm moving forward.
Do you have a home project, such as yardwork, that you can use to illustrate your success on days or weeks that might not otherwise give you that feeling? If so, capitalize on that. We all have bad days, bad weeks, bad months, and sometimes even bad years. It's a good idea to find a routine activity you have to do anyway and turn it into your success project.
When I needed it, I used bike riding this way as well--as a means to measure my success. With each added mile, I saw progress. With each new hill I could climb, I saw progress. With each pound lost, I saw progress. It was hard to miss that kind of growth. I was building momentum by building my inner strength. I now use yardwork in a similar way.
Think about the things that you do regularly that you could use as your yardstick. If you can find a way to measure your progress (mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically or otherwise), you'll soon begin to see it as well. Visuals can be a very powerful thing.
Happy counting!
Jackie
Yardwork that might involve pruning bushes, mowing the lawn, or planting a flower bed is meditative work. It allows you time to just be. And giving yourself time to "just be" is good for your mental state of mind. You may not even realize how much your body craves down time. We spend too much time as it is worrying, thinking, obsessing about work, what to feed the kids for dinner, or that bathroom sink that seems to have a leak but will have to wait till next month to fix. Maybe you can see why down time is a precious commodity that is important to fit in as much as possible, especially when you think there's no time. If you look, you'll find it.
I just wrote yesterday about meditating, and I'm speaking of meditating again for good reason. Like yoga, which requires focus in order to maintain a pose, yardwork requires focus as well. If you didn't focus on what you were doing outside, you'd be like me and stab a pair of pruning shears in your arm--on accident, of course. Ouch! Or, you might even push the lawn mover right over your electric cord and have to end what could have been a very productive afternoon. Bummer.
All joking aside, I've chosen not to hire a landscape company to come and take care of my yard because I enjoy the process and the ability to give myself the time to do the work myself. On yardwork weekends, I get to spend time outside mowing the lawn and then adding fertilizer so the grass will grow as green as it can. I get to trim back the bushes--one of them is particularly unruly and requires a lot of patience--and decide which plants will go in what pots. I then spend time raking and sweeping up the resulting debris.
I particularly enjoy the moments where I have to sit on the ground around a ridiculously large pile of twigs and leaves from that unruly bush--a 20-year-old bougainvillea--and chop up the thorny mess into smaller pieces so I can stuff them into the garbage bag for trash day. I enjoy doing that because I'm outside, I get to chat with my neighbors who happen to walk by with their dogs while I'm doing the work. Sometimes, they even offer to help, and sometimes I let them. For me, yardwork is just generally a very relaxing way to spend a hot afternoon underneath Arizona's mid-day sun. Depending on how much yardwork I have to do--sometimes I have to skip a few weeks if I'm really busy with work--it can take me an entire day.
But it's a day well spent, and I love it.
It gives me time to consider what's going on in my life. And when the meditation is at its highest level, I won't have a single thing on my mind other than the moment I'm in. I might hear the sound of the clippers breaking through the bark, or maybe I'll notice the smell of my fresh cut lawn. Before I know it, my work will be done, and I can put all the equipment back into the garage and go take a hot shower.
I love the way I feel after a hard day's work like that. I may be bone-tired, but my mind always feels refreshed and invigorated, and I know I've earned a dinner out. I always go out to eat--either by myself or with friends--on yard days.
And the momentum I'm talking about? That has to do with the fact that I feel like I'm getting somewhere on yard days. I've made things happen. I've found a little bit of success in a week where I might not have had any otherwise. It symbolizes progress for me, and that means I know I'm moving forward.
Do you have a home project, such as yardwork, that you can use to illustrate your success on days or weeks that might not otherwise give you that feeling? If so, capitalize on that. We all have bad days, bad weeks, bad months, and sometimes even bad years. It's a good idea to find a routine activity you have to do anyway and turn it into your success project.
When I needed it, I used bike riding this way as well--as a means to measure my success. With each added mile, I saw progress. With each new hill I could climb, I saw progress. With each pound lost, I saw progress. It was hard to miss that kind of growth. I was building momentum by building my inner strength. I now use yardwork in a similar way.
Think about the things that you do regularly that you could use as your yardstick. If you can find a way to measure your progress (mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically or otherwise), you'll soon begin to see it as well. Visuals can be a very powerful thing.
Happy counting!
Jackie
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Meditate on it
Even if you're not a bike rider--avid or otherwise--you can still use the BIKE acrynym to find your own spiritual navigation system.
Remember, we're looking for our:
Best self
Inner strength
Killer instinct
Expressive voice
These are the four ingredients of your spiritual core self--the part of you that knows yourself well enough to be able to handle even the most difficult of circumstances. If you don't know what it means to be your Best self, if you don't know you have enough Inner strength (or how to access it), if you don't trust your Killer instincts, and if you're not comfortable using your Expressive voice, you'll stay stuck in the past. You won't be able to move forward--not from heartbreak, not from anger, not from anything that holds you back. The reason is because you haven't taken the time to get to know what you're really made of on the inside.
We really don't learn this stuff in school, and a lot of times, not at home either.
And don't be confused about the word "spiritual."
BIKE isn't a religion. It's more like AA's 12-step program. And just like the 12 steps, BIKE requires taking personal inventory of yourself. I sometimes refer to the process as my 12-step program reduced to four. That makes it seem easier, but you still have to look deep inside yourself, reveal your flaws, and then figure out how to either accept them or change them to suit your needs.
What BIKE can do for you, once you've discovered your own path to a better you, is keep you from getting lost, help you find your way, and steer back to the best course possible. Notice I didn't say the "right" course. My therapist used to remind me all the time, "We're not judging. There is no right or wrong. There just "is"." So with BIKE, you don't judge your behavior, you just work on improving it. You look back only when it's necessary to move forward.
When your spiritual navigation system is set and ready to go, it means you understand you're following a path that is meant for you, and you alone, and that you won't always have control of where it leads (or sometimes you hand over that control to others by mistake). You know you need to "let go" of that and focus, instead, on that which you can control--namely, how you respond to the events that occur in your life.
Once your mental BIKE is in place, you will know how to respond. It's like working with teenagers, you pick your battles. Not all of them are worth having. This is true of life, in general.
I've given you this assignment before, in some version, but here it is again for the newcomers:
In a journal that you keep just for this, make a checklist of your traits. Write down the traits that you admire about yourself. Write down the traits you wish you didn't have. Include descriptive entries that explain your conclusions. Give examples of times you've used these traits when addressing challenges in your life. Especially consider the times when you knew you were stuck. Then look for patterns of behavior. Is there a pattern or habit that needs revision?
Because this process involves taking time for yourself, you don't have to write down anything right now. Hopefully, you'll be spending a lot of time with yourself as we learn how BIKE can work for you. But if you're not comfortable with the writing part for now--and some people aren't--then think about this while taking a bath, pruning bushes, or riding your bike. Meditate on it. You can write your thoughts down later. There is something about putting thoughts to paper that helps lead to solutions. So make sure, if you don't journal today, at least by a notebook.
I bet you'll soon want to write this all down. As you see your own growth occur, you'll want to do everything possible to see more. But be patient. You're on the road to recovery. Recovery from what, I don't know. That's what you'll discover on the way.
All my best,
Jackie
Remember, we're looking for our:
Best self
Inner strength
Killer instinct
Expressive voice
These are the four ingredients of your spiritual core self--the part of you that knows yourself well enough to be able to handle even the most difficult of circumstances. If you don't know what it means to be your Best self, if you don't know you have enough Inner strength (or how to access it), if you don't trust your Killer instincts, and if you're not comfortable using your Expressive voice, you'll stay stuck in the past. You won't be able to move forward--not from heartbreak, not from anger, not from anything that holds you back. The reason is because you haven't taken the time to get to know what you're really made of on the inside.
We really don't learn this stuff in school, and a lot of times, not at home either.
And don't be confused about the word "spiritual."
BIKE isn't a religion. It's more like AA's 12-step program. And just like the 12 steps, BIKE requires taking personal inventory of yourself. I sometimes refer to the process as my 12-step program reduced to four. That makes it seem easier, but you still have to look deep inside yourself, reveal your flaws, and then figure out how to either accept them or change them to suit your needs.
What BIKE can do for you, once you've discovered your own path to a better you, is keep you from getting lost, help you find your way, and steer back to the best course possible. Notice I didn't say the "right" course. My therapist used to remind me all the time, "We're not judging. There is no right or wrong. There just "is"." So with BIKE, you don't judge your behavior, you just work on improving it. You look back only when it's necessary to move forward.
When your spiritual navigation system is set and ready to go, it means you understand you're following a path that is meant for you, and you alone, and that you won't always have control of where it leads (or sometimes you hand over that control to others by mistake). You know you need to "let go" of that and focus, instead, on that which you can control--namely, how you respond to the events that occur in your life.
Once your mental BIKE is in place, you will know how to respond. It's like working with teenagers, you pick your battles. Not all of them are worth having. This is true of life, in general.
I've given you this assignment before, in some version, but here it is again for the newcomers:
In a journal that you keep just for this, make a checklist of your traits. Write down the traits that you admire about yourself. Write down the traits you wish you didn't have. Include descriptive entries that explain your conclusions. Give examples of times you've used these traits when addressing challenges in your life. Especially consider the times when you knew you were stuck. Then look for patterns of behavior. Is there a pattern or habit that needs revision?
Because this process involves taking time for yourself, you don't have to write down anything right now. Hopefully, you'll be spending a lot of time with yourself as we learn how BIKE can work for you. But if you're not comfortable with the writing part for now--and some people aren't--then think about this while taking a bath, pruning bushes, or riding your bike. Meditate on it. You can write your thoughts down later. There is something about putting thoughts to paper that helps lead to solutions. So make sure, if you don't journal today, at least by a notebook.
I bet you'll soon want to write this all down. As you see your own growth occur, you'll want to do everything possible to see more. But be patient. You're on the road to recovery. Recovery from what, I don't know. That's what you'll discover on the way.
All my best,
Jackie
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