Mothers who kill their babies

Have you seen the breaking news about the child abduction in Fayetteville, N.C.? Supposedly, a child had disappeared from her home a week ago. Now, it's been revealed that might not exactly be what happened. It turns out the mother may have been somehow involved, and the child was found dead.

These stories--and they seem to be occurring more frequently than ever (or is it just that we can be spoon fed them more frequently because of 24-hour news capability)--are killing me.

Women who prostitute their children, which this mother is being accused of, just can't have a place in society. Women who kill their children in any way--physically, emotionally, or otherwise--just can't be ignored. But what can we do?!

If you really looked inside your neighborhood, if you really knew who your neighbors were, I would imagine you'd discover or uncover a woman like this mother or a woman like Susan Smith who was sent to prison for drowning her two boys (maybe because she couldn't find love if she had them to care for), or a woman like Casey Anthony in Florida who is accused of killing her little girl Caley (maybe because she was mad at her mother?). And then there are the father stories--the men like Scott Peterson who kill their pregnant wives (maybe because they're carrying their children and they decide they don't want them anymore). It's frightening news that just won't go away.

But what can we do about it? Is there anything? Why can't we make these stories go away?!

These are people who are clearly suffering their own internal anguish, yet they take it out on the people they are supposed to love and cherish the most. These are people who may have no way of ever accessing their mental BIKE. That kills me. I want to think all of us have the ability to access who we really are within or who we have the potential to be. But I must admit this may not be true.

If it were, ideally, we would all know and live our Best selves. We would all have access to our own Inner strength. We would recognize and respect our Killer instinct. And we'd certainly want to Express our own voices and be heard. And we would be. And all would be right in the world.

But that's not so.

What I really believe is true? It's simple. We want what we want when we want it. We use our personal power to get it. To hell with what seems like the right thing to do or the right way to act. And if we have to scream out loud to get it, if we have to yell and spit venom out of our lips, if anger gets in the way because our needs aren't met on demand, then all hell breaks lose--and someone dies because of it.

It's not a pretty world, this world I know that is less than the ideal I'd prefer.

But does it mean that's all we have to look forward to in the future?

Absolutely not! If I believed that, then what would be the point of a blog such as this one?

There will never be a perfect world. I know this much is true, as they say. That world was lost to us when Eve bit into the apple, if you follow Biblical history. So I can accept that. But what I can't accept is that we can't do anything about the mothers who kill their babies. These are not women with shiney red apples who just want a bit of the forbidden fruit. But they are the legacy that followed, the Cains who killed Abel, the brothers who sold Joseph as a slave, the Judas' who betrayed Jesus. That's the mindset of parents who will kill their own for the good of themselves.

We do have steps in place to correct this. We have Departments of Child and Family Services who can come in and investigate and interrogate the suspects. We have neighbors and family members who can keep watch. We have friends and school administrators who can file a report if they see what they know to be wrong treatment of children. And we have our own eyes and ears.

Protecting a child may not fall on the mother, or the father, if they don't have the skill set to parent effectively or correctly. They may not. If we reap what we sow, then the sowing may not always measure up, right? But those of us who know better, who live with a healthier conscious, who think more clearly, we can be the lookouts. We can be the "savior" substitutes.

I doubt we can stop all the murders. I doubt it's 100 percent possible. But the neighbors who lived in that trailer park, where five-year-old Shaniya Davis was found, could have said something before this, couldn't they? They must have seen something. They must have known something was not quite right. And while one might think it's not your business, don't you think it really is? If not their child, couldn't it have been yours?

It IS our business that babies are dying at the hands of their mothers. It IS our business that innocent children walk across the street to get home and never make it because they get nabbed by a stranger. It IS our business that a child might be found dead in the dumpster next to your so-called safe have--your home--next month. Or today.

Is IS our business because it shouldn't be happening. Not in my backyard, not in yours, not anywhere.

And if all we can do is be the eyes and ears to help stop it?

Can't we?

Screening for abuse

Because of the work that I do and the life that I've lived, I keep up on what's happening in the world where it concerns spousal abuse. Today, Google Alerts sent me an interesting press report that gives two reasons for pediatricians to screen their patients' mothers or caregivers for signs of physical and/or emotional abuse. The report interested me because it cites a study that came up with results I believe to be obvious: This type of screening could help save both the parent/caregiver, and also save their children who may be witness to such abuse and become victims themselves...if they aren't already.

The study was conducted at Johns Hopkins Children's Center, and the results are published online in the Journal of Pediatrics. It claimed nearly 1/4 of the women screened (133) for the study reported abuse, and half of those admitted a child had witnessed the abuse. In my opinion, these numbers are frighteningly high, and probably on the low side. This particular study did not examine the effects of what the children witnessed, but it's already known that these children are more than likely to repeat what they've seen. We see it daily in our public schools, in the courts system, in the newspapers. Children follow the behavior their parents model, and not just at home. That means this is not just a private family matter. This is a societal concern. Screening the parent seems like a good idea. I wish I'd been screened. It could be a way out of an otherwise impossible situation.

And abuse is not that difficult to recognize. The report suggests if a child misses scheduled doctors' appointments, if the parent/caregiver and/or child show signs of depression, if the child exhibits recurring unexplained headaches and stomach aches, then maybe this kind of screening could detect a problem that isn't easy to discuss openly.

Says Megan Bair-Merritt, M.D. M.S.C.E., a Hopkins pediatrician who led the study, "Our findings speak loud and clear. Domestic violence happens often and children witness it, so it should be on every pediatrician's radar." Because of her study, she'd like to see more pediatricians conducting this kind of screening.

So would I.

I realize that might be putting an awful lot of responsibility on these doctors' shoulders, but their job is, afterall, caring for children. This type of screening might be another way they can do that. The study says it takes only a few minutes for a doctor to distribute a simple questionnaire and ask a parent/caregiver to fill it out. Just a few minutes that might save a child.

Then, of course, the question becomes: What happens when the results are in and abuse is acknowledged?

What does the pediatrician do then?

Maybe Johns Hopkins will come up with a study about that.

Meanwhile, if you haven't already done so, be sure to hug your children today. We all deserve it.

All my best,
Jackie